Friendly Dating 2 - Ethan

Chapter 34 - Making Up

We'll talk later. I don't have a voice right now.

I nearly pass out when Kira pulls out the chair and sits at the desk next to mine. I knew we had maths for the first period, but I also didn't really know it; it went right over my head. Besides, I half expected her to grab her bag and change seats, so she didn't have to sit with me. I'm glad she didn't, but I'm rattled, having her this close to me, and I'm so damned scared of saying or doing the wrong thing.

My words die half-formed, and my brain seizes when she turns to me and hands me the lunch she'd made for me. She looks uncertain and she's not saying a word, just holding the container out to me. I didn't think she was going to make me any food today. It's really sweet that she did.

Is this a good sign? Please, Kira, say something to thaw my brain and make my heart beat again. Are we still dating? Do you hate me now?

"Thanks for bringing my bag," she whispers, and that is not what I needed to hear. Of course, I grabbed her bag from their house this morning; we have a deal. This time, it even had all the books she owns in it; it was that heavy. Her eyes are shying away from mine, and I have no idea what to say. How do I make this better?

Can't we just go back to when we were stalking my sister and kissing a lot? I look at her long lashes, drooping shyly over the irises that have no sparkle in them today. Are her eyes a bit red-rimmed? Did she cry? Was it my fault?

Shit! What did I say to her yesterday? It's all just jumbled up in my brain! Did I hurt her feelings? I didn't mean to!

We've had many fights during our life together, but it never made me feel like this before. It generally blew over quickly because it didn't matter and was always about garbage anyway. This time, it feels like I'm wading through thick cotton wool wrapping around my arms, legs and face, suffocating me. No clear thoughts want to form in my brain, and I'm very close to puking over my desk.

"Sure," I grunt, not surprised that my voice is not working properly. I take the big lunchbox from her and try to smile, but my lips aren't working either. "Thanks."

For a few minutes, I just sit there, staring at the lunch box on the desk before me, and then I draw a deep breath and turn to Kira to say the only word I  can form in my mouth. "Sorry."

She's not there anymore; she's over at Burlap's desk, and they seem to be exchanging storybooks, chatting happily about pirates and stuff. I hope her eyes are red-rimmed because she stayed up late reading. That is very possible. She often does that. I swallow, watching them for a while, relieved and sad that Kira seems to be doing a lot better than I am.

Oh, stuff it!

At least she's chatting with my best mate and not some random guy I might have to glare at. I don't have the energy to glare today. Burlap gives me an encouraging smile when he sees me watching them, and I offer him a listless thumbs up in return. Sighing, I drag my math textbook from my bag and page through it as if I actually know what I'm looking for.

How the hell am I going to make it through this day?

Interestingly enough, paying attention to what the teachers are saying and focusing on the stuff in the textbooks helps to distract me and make the time pass a little bit faster. Who would've guessed that?! It only works for a while, though and then I'm just doodling structures and houses in my notebooks since writing actual notes is just too soul-crushingly boring.

Besides, when I asked Mr Rawlings questions that actually related to the Biology work we were busy with at the time and not about the bussin' new rims he got for his Jeep Renegade and I tried to answer the Physics teacher's questions with actual relevant physics answers and not stuff I just thought would be fun, but probably impossible, they looked at me as if I'm a friggin' alien and they didn't understand my language. Until they got what I was saying, and then they were just confused, and I got responses like 'Good question' and 'That's surprisingly correct.'