Just Crash, Fall Down (You Me At Six fanfic)

Band Practice.

Charlotte pov

"Chris! Bloody finally, where the fuck you been dude?" Matt shouted as soon as we walked through the door. I popped out behind Chris and in full view of the boys.

"Er...sorry guys. Chris and I were talking and got carried away and..." The boys just smirked at me as I rambled until eventually Max cut me off.

"Perfectly okay Little C, but next time we are going to need loverboy on time."

"Little C? Max you do realise that I'm the same height as you?" That shut him up, but unfortunatly the other boys continued to give me sugestive looks.

I guess everyone got over this morning pretty quickly. I was relieved that they wouldn't treat me differently. In all honesty ithought they would treat me like glass. Fragile glass that could break at any second. That was how everyone treated me nowadays. I keep having to tell people that I'm not going to break so easily. I was nearly always right. There were always the few occasions in which I would break down completely. But I try to forget those moments and focas on the good one's.

"Err...Char?" Chris snapped me out of my thoughts using the name that my Mum always used to call me. Mum. I started tearing up.

No Charlotte! Not here. Not in front of everyone!

"Char? You okay?" Oh that bloody nickname! Chris looked at me, his eyes full of concern. This shouldn't be so easy. Showing my emotioms around him. I mean, this has never happened to me before! I don't get like this. Little girls in teen dramas feel like this, not 20 year old suicidal girls.

I wiped my tears from my face and gave everyone a fake smile.

"I'm fine, honestly. My Mum used to call me Char all the time. It just kind of threw me for a moment." All the boys threw me apologetic glances before smiling at me.

"Sorry Charlotte. I didn't mean anything by it." Chris whispered to me. He looked...ashamed? No, that can't be it.

"Don't worry Chris. It doesn't matter." I replied with a smile. My reply didn't seem to do much because Chris still seemed upset that he jad made me cry.

What can I say? What can I do to make this situation even a little less awkward?

Just as Chris turned back to the guys to begin the band sesh, I knew exactly what to say.

"Oh and Chris?" He turned to me, still looking crestfallen.

"Er, yeah, Charlotte?" I smirked.

"Its not Charlotte." The boys, including Chris sent me confused looks. "Its Char from now on, okay?" I said while staring deep into Chris' eyes.

He smiled at me and before I k ew it I was being engulfed in a bone crushing hug by Max, Chris, Josh, Matt and most surprisingly Dan. The hug lasted a minute at least amd then the boys pulled away...all of them except Chris. He squeezed me tighter for a few moments until finally, I was let go with a nervous laugh from Josh.

"I wasn't expecting that...but thanks. Now go play!" I shooed them away and pack to their instruments, or in Josh's case, the microphone.

-----------A Few Music Filled Hours Later!!----------

They were amazing. In some ways it was better than a live concert. It was much more fun sitting on a stool in front of Josh than getting trampled on by overly excited teenage girls. The worst kind of teenage girls. Watching the boys do a band practice was much more personal than a live gig. It felt like they were just playing to me and only me. That might sound incredibly selfish but it uplifted my spirits and made the voices in my head a hell of a lot quieter, even if it only was for a little while. They played most of the songs from Hold Me Down and a couple that I had never heard before. I'm guessing they were for the new album and I felt humbled that they had trusted me enough to let me hear them.

During Stay With Me, I'm ashamed to say it, but I started crying. That song held so much for me. It made me feel safe and protected, like nothing could hurt me, empowered even. That's not a feeling I often feel. Only ever when Chris is around really. So that's why I cried. I cried for my Mum because I wish she could've stayed with me. I cried for Belle because I hate that I take what she says so badly. I cried for the band for having to put up with me. And most of all I cried for Chris. I don't know why. I felt the need to let the tears out. Halfway through the song I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders, I looked up to find Josh hugging me to his side and sending me reassuring glances whilst continuing to sing. If anything it made me cry harder, it made me realise that I had people in this world. I had friends. I had people to talk to. I realised while Josh was holding me that I didn't deserve. I only hurt people. People, friends, family, only hurt me. I didn't deserve their kindness.

After a few moments I noticed the room was silent. I looked up to find that the song had finished and all the guys givin me worried glances. I swear that's all they do. Worry about me. I really don't deserve this. I really don't.

"I'm fine." I muttered. "That song always makes me cry for the strangest of reasons." I smilled through the tears that were cascading down my face and wetting Josh's shirt, who I was still clinging on to for dear life.

Yeah, I so don't deserve this!

After what seemed an age, Max was the first one to speak up.

"You sure you're okay Charlotte? Don't give me some bullshit 'I'm fine' answer, I want the truth." The strength of his words surprised me and I was stunned into silence for a few moments.

"I'm okay Maxie. I promise." I replied sending him an encouraging smile. He seemed content with my answer, as he didn't question me again. Neither did anyone else.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

I really don't deserve this.

At least I know how to lie convincingly to them.

That's got to count for somethig, right?

The truth is....well the truth is that I don't thin I ever was okay. Or ever will be.

I'll just be a dark depressing mess forever.