⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ To live for the hope of it all ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚fifteen˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

I was wearing a white cheer uniform, similar to the shake it off one but it instead had long sleeves, I didn't need to be anymore of an embarrassment to Taylor then I already was. The bathroom luckily had a floor length mirror, I had the outfit on, the two piece making it even more obvious that my ribs and collar bone were extremely visible. I turnt to the side, needing to see how fat I was. The more I looked, the bigger I seemed to get, the more I hated it. 

I looked at my reflection in disgust, it doing the same right back at me. I pinched at any fat I had left on my body, wishing that it wasn't there, wishing I could be thinner. I stared and pinched for a long while, my head spiralling until it hit rock bottom. I had tears streaming down my face, my stomach red from where I had held so tight. Why can't I just be skinny? Skinny girls are pretty, I just want to be pretty.

★

A long while had passed, all my mind could focus on being how I looked, until I was snapped out of my mind by a loud knock at the door. "Ella you okay in there?" Taylor's voice shouts. I quickly wipe my tears on the back of my hand, pull the skirt above the red pinch marks on my stomach and grab the hoodie and leggings I had originally been in. I walked to the door and unlocked it, both Taylor and Selena stood outside. "You okay El?" Taylor asked as Selena shot me worried looks. "I'm fine people, you both need to calm down." I laugh and head back to the dressing room, sitting myself down on the chair at the vanity station as I folded my hoodie and leggings so I could change into them later if I wanted.

Selena and taylor soon also came into the room, walking slower than me. The two of them trying their best to hide the shocked-worried expressions across their face which had appeared since I stepped out of the bathroom. Both of them sat in the couch like before, however this time being more tense as they sat, both looking as though they had so much to say. 

"Do you want to go get something to eat El? I heard they have a huge snack bar!" Taylor asked, Selena agreeing and going along with it. I knew what was going on. "I'm not even hungry I swear, I'll grab something later." I tell her, brushing the whole thing off. "You sure?" She asks again, rather than a question it was more of a 'go eat please'. "I'm sure." I say, acting as though I couldn't hear what Taylor meant by her tone. "Alright, I'm going to grab something then." Taylor said getting up. "I'll come too!" Selena followed, them both double checking if I wanted to come, an idea I shut down once again.

Taylor's pov:

Me and Selena walked the long way to where the snack table was, both of us worried for the little girl we had left in the dressing room. "Taylor, you can see her bones. We both know what's going on." Selena said, her arm over my shoulder as we dawdled down the corridor. "I know, but how do you even just say that to her?" I reply, my mind racing, mostly asking myself how I had missed it. How could I be missing everything?

Selena stopped the us in our slow walk, turnt me to looking at her in the eyes, her hands placed on my shoulders. "Tay, I know this is hard, but stay out of your head. This is not your fault. In the next couple hours you are going to go out onto the stage and enjoy it, not worrying about Ella." She said, seeing right into my head. My eyes welled with tears and Selena pulled me into a hug, "You are okay Tay, It's not your fault." She whispered comfortingly to me, holding me tighter the more I cried. "I am such a shit mom. She would have been better off in care, I can't even notice a fucking eating disorder, or her hurting herself. How could anyone fuck up as bad as I have? She deserves someone better than me Sel." I cried into her shoulder, realising how bad I have been to the poor girl.

"You can not think that Tay, you are the best thing to happen to Ella. You are one of the first people to actually care to help, no matter how long it took for you to realise she did need the help. You know how well people can hide what's going on, you've been there. Stop blaming yourself Taylor, it isn't your fault at all. I promise." She told me, still holding me tight as she ran her fingers through my natural hair which was a mess currently. "I love her so much, I hate that she is hurting this much Sel. I would take all her pain if I could, I can't watch her destroy herself anymore." I cried, tears continuing to fall from my eyes onto Selena shoulder. "I know Tay, I know. I love you, let it out. Everything will be okay." Selena reassuringly told me, swaying us back and forth for a while.

When we did end up pulling out of the hug, we both had tear stains on our cheeks, "Thank you Sel." I say, smiling at her as she looked at me with a loving glance. "I love you Tay, I'm always here for you. Now let's go get some food." She said, a huge smile across her face as she wiped the last read from my cheek.

We both walked to the table, grabbing a plate for each of us and picking up bits of food. We chose our things and Selena picked up another plate, "What are we getting Ella?" She asked, looking over the different choices. "Just get her a bit of everything, some fruit, half a sandwich and a muffin." I said, trying to make it things that I knew she would be able to eat. Selena grabbed everything and we headed back up to the dressing room, three plates of food with us. 

As we entered, Ella's greeting smile dropped when she noticed the third plate, she knew exactly what was going to happen. "We got you some food El!" Selena said, passing the plate to the girl. "I said I'm not hungry. I'm not going to eat it." Ella replied, sticking to her answer from before which just made me feel even worse. She pushed the plate back to Selena, not even looking at the food. "El, have something." I said, taking the plate from Selena and placing it infront of her. She picked up a small piece of fruit and placed in her mouth, "And some more.." Selena continued to push but I watched the Ella eye her food, shooting it terrified glances.

There was silence in the room, Ella continued to just look at the food with scared eyes. "I'm done." She said and walked out, the young girl slamming the door behind her. Shit. "El, wait- " I began, starting to get up to chase after her, but as I reached the door a group of makeup artists and stylists came in carrying things. "Time for you to get ready Taylor!" One of them said excitedly. I have them a smile and let them into the room. I took a last glance down the long corridors and Ella was gone.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

The writers block for this book has killed me BUT finally we are back with an update!! I know it's like short but it's more of a filler chapter. I have an actual idea for the next chapter rather than winging it. 😭 I am so sorry that it took so long whoops I had super bad writers block and then I was just so busy with everything like idek what's going on in life right now but whatever. 

Opinions? Thoughts?

Predictions/suggestions on what will happen next?