Promised pain

Twenty two

I turn on the cold water, it splatters all over me in a second, my body shakes, teeth clattering, but I don't turn on the hot water, I just stand there, trembling, "Let's talk." Enzo's hard voice cuts me off.

And I startle, as I stare at the curtain as if it's him, "About what?" I ask through clattering teeth, "Anything you want." The words roll out of his voice with ease as if he's genuinely being truthful.

I smile, hot liquid cascades down my cheeks and it's easy to recognize it as a tear even through the water, "Were you jealous of Nicholas?" My smile doesn't waver, and I don't even understand why I'm tearing up, "Like fuck I was." His tone is enough to prove my point and my lips tip upward even further.

"I'm just worried about you." He adds a second later, my chest tightens, "You're just as bad as I'm at lying." I point out, before sobering up as I grab the shampoo beside me.

My brows furrow, I hadn't noticed it the first time I showered, "When did you get this shampoo?" I ask, my lips parting in awe, it's a specific product for curly hair, "I ordered it before we went to the event." He admits, and his tone thickens at the end.

"Why?" I ask, too tired to connect the dots or the signals he keeps giving me, at some point in this relationship, it became clear that we were past being friendly, I don't know when it started.

All I know is that whatever it is between us, we're not just friends, "You said you didn't want to be...bald, it's for hair growth and thickness, so you won't be turning bald for a while." I laugh, for so long until I hear him joining too.

"Your laugh is beautiful, Levine." I don't know if it's part of his technic to calm me after the traumatic event or just a genuine opinion, but either way, it works like wonders, my heart flutters in my chest.

And I feel something flipping through my stomach; those damn little insects, butterflies, "You should laugh more too." I say sincerely, it's no secret that his laugh sounds heavenly, and that he barely shows it to anyone.

"I don't laugh without a reason." He says, and I hate that I cannot make out the emotions across his features.
"You laughed a couple of times this week." I point out. Proving him wrong, "I had a reason." He replies gently, "And what's that?" I ask curiously as I let the shampoo run down my body.

"You." A single word is enough to erase the intolerable pain I've been experiencing today, "This isn't...fake sweet, right?" I make sure, not wanting to cling onto nonexistent hope.

"Nothing with you is fake anymore." He forces out, he always uses that tone of his when he wants me to listen to something.

I turn off the water, standing there for a moment as droplets fall onto the floor, before I extend a hand through the curtains and grab the towel I had already placed for myself.

Wrapping myself up in it, embracing myself with a harsh breath as I slip open the curtains, Enzo looks at me, his expression unreadable, "Thank you for preventing my upcoming baldness." I smile.

His eyes soften.

And he doesn't reply to my sarcasm as I step out of the bathtub, walking toward him until we're face to face, a centimeter more and I'll be in his hold, that I'm aching to be surrounded by.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asks, his brows furrowed in concentration as if he's desperate to get whatever he's about to say right, "Of course." I let out, sighing.

"Why did you change your mind?" He asks, hinting about him helping me with my shower, he doesn't look bothered by it, the problem is that he looks concerned, as if he knows that the reason behind it is concerning.

"You want the truth?" I ask initially, embracing myself first not him, he nods instantly, and I look up into his eyes, "Maybe when the scars fade..." I let the words trail off.

Not knowing how to explain more, because I don't understand, the disgust that's filling every single bone of mine isn't understandable, I wasn't raped, I don't have the right to feel that way.

Maybe I should feel angry, it would've been better, that's normally how I feel, I get angry, I lash out on people, and it hurts when I do so, but not as much as this, it feels as if I'm past being repaired.

As if this is my last straw, my emotions are all over the place and I cannot reach out to any of them and just stick to it, there isn't something specific inside of me.

It's not just rage.
But sadness.
It's not just agony.
But disgust.
It's not just pain.
But madness.

I don't understand what's going on in my mind, and I'm afraid Enzo won't either, "You thinks your scars will change how I look at you?" His voice finally stops the madness inside my body as I stare up at him.

And I nod. The admittance makes me feel small, like I sometimes used to feel among people, as if I'm bellow them, when I look back at Enzo, he doesn't offer another words.

Instead, he takes off his shirt, my eyes roam over his muscled physique but I realize what he's showing me when he extends his right arm, it's not tatted, it's scarred, scars are all over it.

But as I stare at him, not a single ounce of disgust fills my body, all I feel is admiration, "Tell me what's on your mind." He cups my cheek, I blink, "Yours reflect how fierce and strong you are, but mine just feel as if I've been broken, and hurt. Just that." I whisper, my chin trembles.

"I heard everything before I came, Rio tracked down his phone and hacked it, I heard you. You could've easily gave in and offered your body. He wouldn't touch a single hair on your head, he'd worship you if you did that." He breathes out, his jaw clenching.

"He's an obsessed motherfucker and you knew that. Yet you fought, you chose the hard way, you chose to be cut open instead of that, what do you call it? You're strong, and I don't care how long it'll take you to see it. I'll be there until you reach that point:" his words hit me so fucking hard my eyes glass.

"We won't have to talk about anything today...or any day unless you want for that matter. What I'm saying is that I would never view you as less beautiful or stunning just because of the scars." He forces out moments later.

And I smile.
Even when I'm physically unable to speak as if I've been struck. I smile as a tear slips down my cheek. Because for the first time today, I believe his words with every fiber in my body.

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