No Control (Book 1)

55. I Wish

"What the fuck, Jess?"

Callie's voice broke the silence and forced my gaze away from Harry's sister Gemma.

"I.. I...," I stammered.

"Not cool, Jess," Sarah said, shaking her head at me with an annoyed look on her face.

I turned back to Gary. "I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling heat rise in my cheeks. "I shouldn't have done that."

"No, you shouldn't," he said bluntly before turning away from the group and walking towards the door that led back to the public area.

I stared after him, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry stride past me without a word, Gemma in tow. My stomach lurched and I longed to reach out and touch him, but I no longer had the right.

"Harry," I called, but he ignored me and carried on. Gemma turned her head to look at me and gave me a brief smile of acknowledgement as she passed me, and my stomach gave another lurch at what might have been. If I wasn't such a complete bitch.

I turned and followed Gary out through the door and saw him making his way through the crowd, a few feet up ahead. "Gary!" I shouted. "Wait!"

He stopped and turned around, a hurt look on his face. "What is it?" His voice was abrupt.

"I'm so sorry," I said. "What I just did - that was nasty and horrible and you didn't deserve it."

"You're right, I didn't," he said. "What's got into you Jess? I never pegged you as the sort of person to play games or use people."

"I'm not," I said desperately. "I can't believe what I just did. I wish I could turn back the clock. I feel terrible, Gary. You're my friend and I don't want to lose you and I really wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to me again after that."

Gary looked at me for a moment. "I - I like you, Jess. But please don't use that to your advantage in a feeble attempt to make your ex jealous. It's not fair on me."

"I'm so sorry," I whispered again as a tear fell down my cheek. "I deserve a slap for the way I've just behaved. I'm not usually such a bitch, honestly."

"I know you're not," Gary replied. "I don't like this effect Harry Styles has on you. You've changed, and not for the better. It's a shame."

"I'm sorry," I said, aware I was repeating myself but not knowing what else to say. "I think... I think I'm just going to go. Back home. I'm being a dick and I need to sort myself out. Sort my fucking life out."

We stared at each other for a moment. Another tear slipped down my cheek.

"You don't need to leave on my account," Gary sighed, pulling me into his arms and giving me a hug. "I don't hold a grudge."

"Thanks, but I need to get away from here," I sniffed. "I don't want to bump into Harry again. He looked ready to throw something at me just then. I haven't got the energy for another screaming match, not in public, and certainly not in front of his sister."

"His sister?" Gary frowned.

"Yeah, the blonde girl I thought he was getting cosy with back there... that's actually his sister, Gemma."

Gary gave a low whistle. "Bloody hell. You don't do things by halves do you?" We turned around and began walking back to the VIP area.

"You need to make your mind up about Harry Styles," Gary said, suddenly.

"I know," I sighed.

"No, I mean it," he said. "It's always going to be all or nothing with him. You've got to decide either to trust him completely, without any doubts, or walk away and don't look back."