everything has changed

49

it's been a few hours since that mental breakdown im now just sitting in the waiting room with everyone, i just pull my knees up to my chest with my head in my hands as im silently crying right now, i cant believe i still have tears left, i just rest my head on vivs shoulder and let one of my hands hold beth's hand. luc, kie , laura and vic are all currently in livs room just talking to her me and lauren still haven't been able to do that, le has been with laur so she's not alone im going to text es i know she'll want to be there for me and laur i just pull out my phone and beth and viv just watch me message es.

essi🧸

hi i know you're probably asleep rn
and you've probably seen but liv
she's been in a car crash
and is now on a ventilator
we don't know for how long
she'll need to be but i was wondering
if you could come down and be here
for laur she doesn't have that many
people that's she's like that close with
i have leah , beth , viv , luc , kie ,
laura and vic so i have lots and
i know she's close with le , luc,
kie and beth but i know how
close you two are and
i just feel bad i have support
and she doesn't uno.
also sorry for waffling.
i love you♥️

girl i'm already on my way
and shut up you both deserve all the
support rn i love u both sm an would
do anything for you two and for liv
so i'm here if you need anything
just text , call , talk , shout, cry whatever
it is i'm here okay🫶🏼

thank you :(( i love you es
i'll see you soon

you will🧸

♥️🧸
read 12:30am

after that conversation with es i just stare off into the distance i just feel numb , empty , hopeless and tired but emotional drained, i just have this pit in my belly and chest that isn't leaving me alone, i just want to disappear from this world and not be here right now. if that girl dies a piece of me will die and i do not think i could handle being around in this world without her she's actually my lifeline without her i'm fucked.

es soon turned up and i can see how grateful laur was for that , she just cried in esmes arms which nearly set me off but once again i just sat here not crying, not doing anything but watching the other people or zoning out i wanted to go home but i didn't want to leave liv even though i'm not in the room i'm still here i'm still waiting for her to be okay and come back home.

"poppet" viv whispers.

"mhm"

"we need to get you home" she says softly.

"no not without liv" i whisper as i knew if i talked loudly i would cry.

"no not that home to our house sweetheart" beth says softly.

"milo and iris though"

"le can go get them" beth says looking at le who's with laur and esme.

"what if something happens" i sigh.

"they'll let us know"

"can i ... can i go say good goodbye to her real quick" i mumble.

"yeah of course"

"alone" i say before standing up.

"we'll be right here" beth says as they watch me.