Stardust

stella. star. my star

Take my hand

Take my whole life too

For I can't help

falling in love with you - Elvis Presley

Conrad

Only half the people in the car are talking, but that's enough to make the ride to Cousins feel twice as long. They're so fucking loud, and they never stop, the 2-hour trip became an excuse to discuss every topic available. Jeremiah is so happy, he's almost glowing. The ride to Cousins is one of his favorite moments of the year, and I get it, once upon a time it was mine too.

Not today. Everything is different, but he doesn't know that. I know why I chose to stay quiet, but there are moments like this where I start second guessing myself.

My brother has the right to know. I'd be pissed if Jere kept this huge secret from me, but on the other hand, this is what mom wants. One last perfect summer.

I don't agree, but I won't ask her to tell people. Dad knows and Laurel probably does too. She and mom can't keep secrets from each other. She doesn't know I know. Susannah Fisher is dying. Her prognosis is bad, probably not a year.

I'm not ready.

- Come on, it's a great idea. - Mom's voice is so loud I hear it over the music blasting on my headphones. - It'll be amazing!

- It'll be an announced tragedy. - My brother replies, his tone leaking playfulness. It makes mom smile even though she's rolling her eyes. - I'm serious, mom. It's a bad idea.

I tap my fingertips on the car window as if that'll make me handle this better. I stopped paying attention to what mom and Jeremiah were saying a while ago, meaning I have no clue what this horrible idea is. I'm sure my father did the same. He usually doesn't come to Cousins until later in the summer, but he decided to make an exception and drive us. I wish he hadn't.

The music stops playing when I pull my earphones out and focus on the conversation. Right now the last thing I want is to have anything in common with my father.

- It's tradition, Jere. - Mom's laugh reverberates in the car, all musical and loud, she's having a good time. Jeremiah has this effect on people. - I think the girls will have fun.

- They'll hate it.

- What's going on? - I finally ask, looking between them.

Mom is sketching something that resembles a falling star on the front seat while my brother occupies his hands by playing with his bracelet. Guess the need to always be messing with something runs in the family.

Meanwhile, dad drums his fingers on the wheel, just like I was doing it on the window a second ago. It makes me feel sick. I just hate him so much.

- Mom wants Belly and Stella to be debutantes. - Jeremiah snickers and it forces my attention back to them. - She's gonna get them invites from the Country Club.

Ah, yes. The Cousins Country Club debutante ball. Stella would probably rather eat glass than be a debutante. Good manners classes? Being presented to society in a ceremony filled to the brim with sexism? Nope. My Star would never.

- You are so dramatic! Who did you even get that from? - Mom jokingly scolds Jeremiah. And the answer is that he got it from her.

- I can't imagine either of them agreeing to this, mom. - My brother's voice is kind. - Besides, Stella is two years older than Belly, how would that even work?