INK AND INSIGHTS

ᵘⁿᵗᵒᵘᶜʰᵃᵇˡᵉ | ᵈᵃᵐᶦᵃⁿ ʷᵃʸⁿᵉ ¹

5. Dialogue and Delivery:

When I am reading stories written in first person narrative, the thin line between dialogues and monologues fades. And as we see everything from the character's point of view, the whole chapter becomes a dialogue in my head. So far I liked reading the different characters' take on the breakfast scene, the differences in the way they viewed things around them, and learning what Damian and Calista feel for each other through their perspective was also a nice touch.

6. Character Chemistry:

I need to read more to understand Damian and Calista better. It's a change for me to read about the characters who are already in a relationship as I am more used to reading stories in which we get to see how they met, fell in love, and got their happy ending. But I understand why you chose to start from in between because there's a lot to come for this couple in the future. So far I can see that they are in love but I didn't feel the sparks because either I need to read more chapters with them together or you are intentionally hinting at something. Damian's love for Calista is unconditional, on the other hand, Calista also loves him deeply but there's a slight indication that it might be to an unhealthy extent. I think that does make sense considering Calista has struggled for validation her whole life and now that she finally has someone who loves her for who she is, she doesn't want to let go of him and can go to extreme measures to ensure that.

7. Plot and Story Themes:

I love the plot. I am all in for stories featuring a lovers-to-enemies trope and I tried writing one as well but my romantic heart betrayed me by persuading me to write a happy ending instead. The hints you have left regarding Damian and Calista's relationship and that sneak peek into the future at the beginning of the story were what captivated me instantly. I can't wait to get to the chapters where things start to go downhill for this perfect couple. Cruel, I know, but as a writer I also know how thrilling it is to write the climactic chapters and leave the readers in a heartbroken mess. 

8. Writing Style:

I feel like this story was one of your earlier works on Wattpad, correct me if I am wrong. Because I have read Chemistry and I have read Roses, so I know your writing style is much better in your later works. If that is so, then I am sure you will improve the story a lot when you get to rewrite it. Or perhaps that's what I feel because I have just read the five published chapters now, maybe your story will take an interesting turn in the upcoming chapters and all the buildup you are creating here will pay off.

9. Areas of Improvement:

I think the chapters seem a bit choppy or in other words as if they were ended forcefully soon to keep them short. Also, the point of view is a bit confusing in the earlier chapters, such as when they are having breakfast and Bruce says he has to tell them something, I could see that it was written from Damian's point of view but I found some inconsistencies. For example, Damian would never call Bruce by name, he would address him as Father or Dad even if you're going for a more emotionally available version of his personality. The same goes for him referring to Richard as Dick. I appreciate the first name usage considering he is shown as more connected to his family now that he has spent years with them, still, nicknames seem a bit too much for him. 

10. My Personal Opinion or Ideas:

I need to read further to get connected with the story. Right now, I can only suggest songs based on what I have read so far.

Song Recommendations:

Over Her Dead Body (album) by Ellise for Calista. I feel like almost all the songs in this album can fit the portrayal you are going for this character.

In Flames by Dabin ft. Lexi Norton for Damian and Calista.

Caught In The Fire by Tommee Profitt ft. Sam Tinnesz for Damian.

Hurts Like Hell by Tommee Profitt ft. Fleurie for Damian and Calista. Especially the lines "I loved and I loved and I lost you."

11. Concluding Remarks:

Your writing has potential and I know as you write more chapters, the missing pieces will start to connect and I will be able to understand the context more. You need to work on a few things to make this story even better as discussed above. But overall, I enjoyed reading your story and will be sticking around to read more of it as you update.

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icecoffeeluver I hope you are satisfied with the review. Let me know if there was anything I missed or anything you need elaboration on through the comments and of course, I'd be delighted if you fill out the feedback form. 

Link to the form that I'll also add in the comments section: https://forms.gle/AfUdLCWXkEtR4JyU6

Have a great day and I look forward to reading (actually rereading) the rest of your review entries.