Flowers Only Bloom in June

Dear Diary

September 5th

It's hard to believe its already been 20 months living in Australia. I've soared to heights here that I've been dreaming of for decades; I've traveled all over the country, I've had speaking lines in TV shows with my new agency, I've just released my second EP and have a solid group of friends, particularly Rafael and his partner. They met when Raf finally took a trip to Europe, and his lovely lover followed him all the way back to Australia, be it temporarily, as they're moving together to Europe in June. 

I never heard again from the ex that broke my heart earlier this year, although he intrudes into my dreams every week. Quite annoying. But with such fulfillment in my career and personal life I haven't looked back. It simply means he wasn't the one. So close, but not quite close enough. But no matter-I am fulfilled and happy, and am not looking for love for a long time. Being such the hopeless romantic that I am, I derail myself so easily when love comes into the picture, setting everything aside because my heart grows too big for my chest, until suddenly it's exploded all over everything beautiful and suddenly I am slapped by the reality that, once again, I actually fell for the idealized version of someone .. Peh. Solitude and focus will do me well.

Particularly because next week I go on my first international business trip (yayyy) to, of all places, 대한민국!!!!!! 드디어 돌아올 수 있어~~ ㅠㅠ 행복해 죽겠어 ㅠㅠ (Korea! Finally I get to return~ I am dying of happiness! )

I am so excited for this project; a series of photo interviews that Alex and Richard recommended me to partake in. I met them on a documentary in New York a couple years ago, and they are the ones that suggested I move to Australia. I thought, why not just apply for the visa for fun? And the next day it was approved. I was so excited to leave the endless over-saturation of Manhattan, that I packed my bags and left 3 weeks later.

Directly after, I somehow got a job as an Makeup Artist on a commercial that my info was mysteriously forwarded to, and my work has steadily been building up since then. I was so lucky I cried from happiness everyday. 5 years of suffering as a freelance artist- sending hundreds of emails to maybe get 1 response back; Working for free for years to get experience and make connections; Bitter tears of exhaustion working full time to pay the bills while carving time out for low-budget film shoots and photoshoots, barely scraping by; Creepy photographers, auditions ached over in vain; Things have changed so much these past 2 years..

I've made plans to meet up with Sara, Bin, and Wendy, the friends I made 7 years ago when I went to Uni in Seoul. They were cherished years for me, though wreathed in pain and depression. Even though I am pretty adept at making friends and building community, especially back in those days loneliness ate at my heart like a starving dog. Thankfully the 3 friends helped to lift me out of the darkest days, and we've kept in touch after all these years, rocks for each other during the hard times.

Korea was also a cherished birthplace of my confidence and self-love. It was there that I got into fashion and self-expression; class clowning; school competitions and goofy talent shows; training hard in martial arts (and totally not falling head over heels for the instructor that saw me as a little sister.. ) I felt like a main character over there- carefree to show a hidden side of me in a foreign land where my exotic features stood out like a sore thumb.. Sometimes not fitting in is the greatest way to find where you belong..

The flight over is long and full of anticipation. I pine for the days when I was able to pack my entire life into 2 suitcase; now my makeup and personal items alone take up 3 oversized suitcases. But to be fair it is mainly my SFX, Beauty, and Hair kit.

We have a beautiful hotel and get picked up all together to get to set. I noticed how much effort its taken conversing in Korean as I'm out of practice, and with only 1 day to recover, we are antsy in anticipation and exhaustion. 

I made friends with one of the props girls a while back on a TV show on the Central Coast, and we were thrilled to find we're working and rooming together. Her name is Mei, from Hong Kong. A bit of a sassy hard-ass. I love her. We're going to do a little traveling as well. Finally I'll get to see Jeju! Sara, Mei and I will go all together~
I'm also stoked to update my wardrobe, as I've hardly had time or money to shop the last 2 years. I wonder what this trip will bring...