taylor has a panic attack before going on stage

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oh my god i can't believe taylor is 34!!! little something i started thinking abt in science class today lol enjoyyyy
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taylors pov
it was glendale n1, aka the first night of the eras tour, and to say i was nervous was an understatement. i haven't been on tour in 4 years. i started getting my makeup done in my dressing room and i go on in about 3.5hours. i started to bounce my foot up and down.

"tay you okay?" my makeup artist asked.

"oh yeah i'm just a little nervous.." i said.

"tay you have no reason to be nervous you're gonna kill it." she said

"aww thanks" i said

"of course." she said with a smile. "okay your makeups done so you can head over for hair now."

"okay thank you." i said. "also do you know where y/n is? i need to talk to her." i said

"i think she's with your mom do you want me to go get her?" she asked

"u-um yeah that would be perfect" i said while fiddling with my fingers. i needed y/n here. i could feel myself getting very anxious and usually when that happens i freak out and it all goes south.

i started pacing around the room while playing with my fingers when all of the sudden the door flew open and my mom and y/n were standing there.

"are you okay baby?" y/n asked.

"u-um not really i'm really anxious." i said

"oh baby i'm so sorry do you wanna talk about it?" she said

"i do but i know if i do ill get freaked out and cry and i just got my makeup done." she said

"tay you're makeup is the least of the worries tell me what's wrong baby." she said as she led me to the couch.

"ok but first, mom?" i said

"yes baby?" she asked

"could you get me some water because i'm probably gonna need it after this." i said shakily

"of course i'll be right back" she said as she walked out the room.

"okay now can you tell me what's wrong now tay?" y/n asked.

"so i'm just really nervous because i haven't toured for like 4 years and what if they don't like the show. what if i fall completely face first and embarrass myself, what if i forget the words, what if i forget the choreography, what if-'' i said as k was rambling before i got cut off by y/n. she could see that i was getting worked up about and was starting to freak out.

"baby calm down. you're gonna make yourself sick. plus those are all what ifs. you've worked your ass off for what, the last 8 months?" she explained. "you're going to do amazing" she said as she kissed my forehead.

i immediately started sobbing part of me believed y/n but the other part was voices in my head telling me i'm going to mess up. i then started to hyperventilate and moved my knees up to my chest and hid my face in my hands.

"tay baby i need you to breathe. you're gonna make yourself sick." she said.

"i-i'm trying it's not working" i said through sobs.

"can you look at me baby?" she said. i lifted my head so i was looking as her.

"breathe with me" she said as she grabbed my hands. after a little my breathing started to slow but i became extremely nauseous.

"y/n..." i said squeezing my eyes shut.

"what's the matter baby? you okay?" she asked

"i think i'm gonna be sick i don't know though.." i said. y/n immediately went to grab the trash can and lock the door to the dressing room. she handed me the trash can and started rubbing my back soothingly.

"you still think you're gonna be sick tay?" she asked

"i-i don't know" i said. as soon as i said that i began to dry heave and y/n pulled my hair back.

"tay i know you don't like throwing up but you gotta let it out. you'll feel so much better." she said encouragingly. as soon as she said that i let go and threw up what felt like all my intestines. i finished a few minutes later and collapsed onto y/n.

"you okay baby? do you feel better?" she asked as she kissed my forehead.

"yeah i just needed to get all those nerves out i think im okay." i said that's when there was a knock in the door and y/n we to got unlock and open the door. there stood my mom with water which i desperately needed since i just threw up all my guts.

"you okay sweetie?" my mom asked.

"yeah i'm okay now." i said.

i'm so glad that my mom and girlfriend care so much about me. i'm so grateful for them

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