12/6/23
The days and nights tend to blend day by day. I wake up at 7 am, make my bed, brush my teeth, take a shower, and get dressed. By 9:30 I Go to the main hall and pray with my community, do communion, hear the preacher teach and feed us lines, and go over our rites. At 1:30 we have lunch. During lunch, I sit next to my friends. They chatter and laugh as I'm in a daze of contemplation. I tend to keep to myself around them, I quite honestly think they find me boring or annoying.. Or both. all besides one..uhm, besides that, by 2 I then study theology, study English, study math, study... study... go to dinner at 12 then head to bed and once it's quiet I can't help but begin to question " What if god wasnt real?"
If all there is is faith, what if that isn't enough?
If god was real Wouldn't he solve all the injustice
Pain.
Agony...
If I was a righteous soldier to them will all my impure thoughts go away?
Will I feel again?
Every step I take I'm judged, if not by others, myself...God?
"Please give me a sign."
I whisper to myself lying soundly in bed. We aren't allowed entertainment or any outside commodities in the dorms besides the holy book and one book of our choosing from the library. The dorms are small, housing 11 men, since we are a small group of seminarians we get our own rooms. The dormitories are separate from the main hall of the church. It's a small walk beautifully decorated with a pond where the fish swim, with many places to sit, flowers scattered about, with all the greenery well taken care of. the scenery is to die for, the only highlight of this wretched place honestly...
I decide to sit up
I am trying to put my attention on this unfinished book. It's a slow burn and One of my favorites. As I open the book I pull out my flashlight. Shielding my illuminated book with my sheets and once I found my page
KNOCK
KNOCK
KNOCK
Someone at the door- at this hour?
I get up from my bed rubbing a crick out of my neck and adjusting my glasses, once at the door I open it slightly
"Elias?"
Elias smiles and leans into the door
"Good morning Jonesy"
"What do you want?"
My voice pointed with a tired undertone, I reluctantly opened the door more feeling safer in his presence
"Wanna come with us to go and explore this cool secret awesome ruin, it's gonna be fun"
He says in a conniving tone that sends a slight shiver down my spine, a sigh escapes my lips.
"Us?"
"You know-", A grin trickles onto his face, "the usual group"
I stare at him, blinking. Giving an 'Are you serious' type of look.
"Come on! I know you're sick of just sitting around and reading all the time Or at least you should be. What can go wrong, a little trip isn't gonna hurt anyone and it's great for experience"
I lean my head slightly on the door.
"I would love it if you went, none other will chat my ear off like you do"
He seems very set on this request. I'm kind of surprised he's asking me to go out with him on one of his weird dungeon crawls and... I mean... he IS making valid statements, there has to be an underlying reason to this and whatever it is I'll cooperate just this once
