innocent lotus flower

Letting It Out

Xiao Zhan thinks the only time he has ever felt love, warmth, and being simply happy was when he was a kid. He doesn't remember what made it happen, but all he knows is that he can remember the lingering feeling and how it felt. To him, it was proof that his parents did love him, and that no matter what, at least once in his life, he had felt how it was to be loved.When he found out he was to be married to Wang Yibo, at that time, he was just 15, and he thought, no, rather he hoped that maybe he would finally be happy. He would finally feel warmth and be loved differently from how he had been feeling ever since he grew up with the Jiang family. But all his hope shattered the first time he met Wang Yibo, who was so cold and taciturn. When he looked at Xiao Zhan, it felt empty, but he still comforted himself that he could make him love him.But after the incident when he saved can't yibo's life, and the following week, he came to school with Cheng Xiao on his arms as his girlfriend, Xiao Zhan died a little inside. But he was logical, maybe he did not receive love, but he was sure he was not as undeserving as Madam Yo said. By this time, all his thoughts of a happy marriage shut down, and he even thought the wedding would be cut off.
But once he finished high school, he was married to Wang Yibo, the great Wang Yibo, who was already taking part in his family business at a young age. He was smart, rich, handsome, and powerful, as opposed to his spouse, Xiao Zhan, who grew up spoiled by the Jiang and was useless.

So Wang Yibo never took him out to functions as his official spouse, and when Cheng Xiao came back, it was her that took Xiao Zhan's role. The following years of his marriage made Xiao Zhan numb, and when Wang Yibo used that method to send him away, he broke. But still, Wen Ning and Wen Qing put him back together. He had been learning how to love again, but Wang Yibo came to barge into his life again, and he wants to shout at him, "How dare you make declarations of love!"
Xiao Zhan battled with a feeling of rage and anger. How dare this man, who had destroyed him and broken him, speak of loving him? For the first time, Xiao Zhan also wanted to be heard. He could not keep this anger inside him, and for the first time, he dared to talk back to Wang Yibo."Really? Now is when you want to show your love?" he said, an ugly laugh escaping him. "You broke me, drove me off the edge, did those disgusting things to me, and you dare to come here and speak as if you have any right? I might be afraid of what you can do, so I allowed you back into my life. But Wang Yibo, don't think you can change my mind about you. Did you think that after you made these declarations, I would fall at your feet and be happy? All my life, I asked for one thing after my parents' death - to feel love again. Did you know that when I met you for the first time, I thought I could love you, that we could be happy together, that finally, I could have a family? I would be free from Madam Yu, but it's all the same. No, this time, it's even worse because the person who stood at the altar and promised to love and cherish me was the one who made the final blow that broke me."Wang Yibo's eyes widened in surprise as he saw Xiao Zhan, for the first time, talk about his own feelings. He wanted to interrupt, but Xiao Zhan did not allow him.Xiao Zhan gritted his teeth together as he continued speaking. "Did you know that every day I woke up in your house, I never felt safe? I always thought, 'Am I going to get beaten today?' or 'Will he send me out today?' Maybe he can kill me - that would be better than leaving and letting Madam Yu get her hands on me. The bruises of the past day will always be there to remind me of my position in that house. I lived like a servant, and I could not complain because even with how shitty my life was, I really, really wanted to live. So tell me, what gave you the right to say you want to love me after depriving me of it in the first place?"
Xiao Zhan's voice trembles with a mix of anger and vulnerability as he continues, "You think saying those three words can erase all the pain you caused? You think I can just forget everything and go back to how things were? Well, I can't. I can't just turn off my emotions and pretend like nothing happened."Wang Yibo's eyes fill with remorse and regret, but Xiao Zhan doesn't let up. He needs to let out all the pent-up frustration and hurt that has been eating away at him for so long."You took away my innocence, my trust, and my ability to love freely. You made me doubt myself, made me feel like I was worth nothing. And now, now you have the audacity to stand here and tell me you love me? I can't believe it. I can't believe you would even think I would want to hear those words from you."Xiao Zhan's voice cracks, his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. But he takes a deep breath, determined to make his point clear."I deserve better than this. I deserve someone who will love me unconditionally, who will protect me and cherish me. Not someone who can just flip a switch and suddenly decide they want me back. Love doesn't work like that, Wang Yibo. It's not a game you can play whenever it suits you, these words are what have been trying to make myself believe for this past years and I don't know if I fully believe it even now " he wipes his tears forcefully he does not know when he started crying "I don't know if I can ever trust you again. I don't know if I can ever let myself be vulnerable with you. But one thing I do know is that I won't let you hurt me anymore. I won't let you break me any further."Silence hangs in the air as Xiao Zhan's words sink in. Wang Yibo's face is a mix of regret, guilt, and desperation. He reaches out a hand, wanting to comfort Xiao Zhan, but Xiao Zhan takes a step back, shaking his head."No, Wang Yibo. Not now. Maybe not ever. I need time to heal, to find myself again. And maybe, just maybe, one day I'll be able to forgive you.