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f i v e

       "Yeah, I'm sorry there isn't anything we can do for you. We don't even make these phones anymore, the oldest phone we do have here is an iPhone SE," the clerk at the Apple store says. I let out a small whimper, "when was the last time you backed up your phone?" They asked.

I avert my gaze, looking everywhere but at Ava who is beside me. I fake cough, fiddling with the strap of my purse. "It's been quite some time," I admit. "Probably like four years ago? Once the newer phones started coming out my phone stopped getting updates and without the updates, it wouldn't let me back it up, so I just never did."

"How did you let it get this bad?" Ava mumbles as if I sprained my knee and didn't do proper work to build the strength and just ended up hurting it more in the end as if this isn't about an iPhone.

"We're up to iPhone 14 now, we're you interested in upgrading?" The worker asks.

I read my elbows on the counter, "I don't have a choice do I?" I ask.

        She gives me a fake sympathetic smile, before shaking her head no. "I guess so, how much is it?"

        "Are the primary care owner of this line?" They ask.

        "Yeah."

      She goes on to ask all the normal questions. What's my phone number? Asking for my ID to prove I am the primary care owner, and told Ava it was a 100 down payment today then told me my monthly bill would be $167 for the phone and the insurance so I don't have to worry about my phone breaking on me in the future. I cried a little bit at the monthly cost. That for sure is cutting into my coffee spending for the month. That's a brand new expense added that I didn't have money for, but I'd never say that aloud to make Ava feel worse than she already does.

      Thankfully I got my old number and I'm praying Charlotte was right and he'll text me. I honestly will be distraught if he doesn't.

      "How do I unlock my phone again? There is no button," I say when we get to the car.

      Before Ava can answer my screen lights up when I flip it around to face me. When my screen flashes on at me, I let out a tiny scream when I see the background. The background I had from pretty much ninth grade through my junior year — a Ross Lynch piccollage I made myself, when teen beach movies came out I was obsessed. I guess this is the last time my phone was backed up.

         "I'm almost 100% positive that this is my phone from high school. I haven't been able to back it up since then," I say as I unlock my phone and sure enough the password is the same as back then. 0-3-1-4. It was the birthday or a random crush I had freshmen year and I don't even remember who it belongs to but it stuck, unlike this name.

        When my home screen comes on, it's just as bad. A collage of Grey's Anatomy as the background screen and the apps I have on my phone are definitely from my fan edit phase. Cutecut pro, tiktok (used to be musically), PicsArt, and piccollege (both needing to pay for use the best parts of the apps now), and something called Splice? If I'm not mistaken is where I got my really good translation for picture edits but I couldn't even begin to tell you how to use the app now.

         I hesitate, finger hovering over the photo's app. Do I want to remember how painful high school was for me? How I cried every Friday because I never had anywhere to go, so my Mom would always invite me to hang out with her and her best friend every weekend when they'd do stuff. Do I want to see the hyper-fixation of celebrity men and movies that filled the hole in my chest for all of those lonely years? No, not right now. Right now I'm going to sit and wait for Teddy to text me.

         When I get home, and I'm alone, I will deal with all of those unwanted high school memories. Right now, I smile and look over at Ava who thankfully paid for almost everything today to get me started. She insisted since she was the one who broke my phone. "Really?" She giggles. "I think it was bound to happen eventually, I'm sorry it had to be last night." She frowns over at me. She starts the car and starts driving back towards Blair's so I can get my car and drive myself home. "Doing anything fun today?" She asks.

         "No," I reply. Placing my phone down. "Probably going to go home and be depressed because being hung over makes me so fucking sad. I barely slept last night. Just sat there staring at the ceiling for hours."

       "Ugh," she groans. "The worst, I'm sorry."

        "Not your fault," I shrug. "Well, I guess it is since you broke my phone." I point out chuckling so she knows I'm kidding, "I could have been up texting him all night," I hum.

        She shoves me on the shoulder, "Stop making me feel bad. I just basically got you a brand new phone."

         With a new monthly bill, I can barely afford it. "True," I not letting it go. "Sorry, just really scared he won't text me again."

           She sighs, placing a hand over my hand that is resting on my lap. She grabs it squeezing me. "It'll be okay. It's all going to work out. I know it," she says so matter of fact I can't help but sigh.

         Squeezing her hand back. It will be okay, I tell myself. It will all work out. I just keep repeating the mantra, over and over.