Learning to Live

Chapter 38

I smiled. I missed that guy. "Say Hi back."

There was some shuffle, and then the sound of a door closing. "So, what is it? I take it you're not calling just to hear my lovely voice."

I reached my floor and leaned against the staircase for a moment. Among everyone I knew, Emma's situation had been pretty similar to mine at the moment. She had lost her mother to cancer, then shortly after, her brother lost his life after a serious injury in a boxing match. So she had purposefully distanced herself from Brandon, who was a professional boxer, because she didn't know if she could handle losing him as well after some injury.

But now they were happily married, with an adorable baby that she often sent me pictures of.

"How did you let Brandon back into your life?" I asked her.

"Whoa. That's unexpected." She sighed. "Is this because of Hunter?"

"How in the world do you know about Hunter?"

"Sam speaks to Dad, and Dad told me." There was a smile in her voice. "Your life is more fun than a TV series these days, I gotta admit."

"You're as terrible as Lia, I swear."

"You love me."

"Keep telling yourself that," I said.

"To answer your question, I think Brandon just sort of wore me down, at the end."

I chuckled. "Well, I guess I did tell him to."

"Yeah. But to be honest, I don't think it's just that." She let out a heavy breath. "I think it was when I saw him with another girl. She was just a friend, mind you. But I thought there was something more between them. That's how I knew. I wouldn't be able to just watch him move on and live his life with someone else."

I let out a heavy breath and looked at the chipped wall. Could I see Hunter with someone else?

I had seen him on tabloid covers and on social media going out with models and actresses and beautiful women. It had been painful at first, before I realized that he was never seen with the same person more than twice. Then the pain turned into mere discomfort.

Could I see him move on with someone else? Live in the house he'd built for us? Be the father of her children? Have her take care of Stevie and Brownie and Tux?

I closed my eyes and breathed slowly. Who the hell was I kidding? The simple thought filled my chest with lead.

"Think of the alternative, Sapphire," Emma said. "I know you want him back. But you're afraid. I've been there. But what are you more afraid of?"

"What if- what if I get cancer again, and this time it wins?" I said, my voice barely over a whisper. "He's going to be so heartbroken. What if I lose him again? What if-"

I took a deep breath. My throat tight.

"Oh, sweetheart," she said. "Have you talked to him about it?"

"No. I haven't even told him about my cancer and everything."

"You should. He should have the decision to stay or leave if he can't handle it. You don't have to make the decision for him," she said. "And losing him? That's always a risk, hon. That's just life. I could have a heart attack right now and drop dead. Brandon could get in a car accident and be gone. But we could also live, happy and healthy, until we're both wrinkly ninety-year olds.

"That's life. You can't know what's going to happen. But you never stop living your life because of the fear. Cuz you'll wake up one day and realize you've wasted so much time, so much potential for happiness, and it'll be for nothing."