Til The Bitter End | Alec Lightwood

37

I was wandering around Lilith's building. She wouldn't tell me where Jonathan was, but I didn't ask either. I wouldn't ask. She follows me and if it's not her she sends Ollie to stalk me as I move around the building.

"Lilith?" I came out onto the balcony. She looked at me. Her face relaxed. "Why does it hurt you to touch me?" She stood up tall and turned to me.

"Why do you want to know?"

"I'm curious," I looked down at the cars far below us. "I've never really understood what I was or who I was my entire life. I've always been told. I was an addict, I was a demon, I was a hunter, I was a tool, I was a monster, a murderer. I've never truly known what I was."

"For that, I am sorry my child," She gave me a tight smile. Her hands reached forward as she touched my face. "You are special." I could feel the heat between our skin. "Your father made you a demon, but you were born a saint." I stared at her. Poetic, again. "You have the blood of the angels. That is what makes you special."

"Yes, but so does Jace and Clary," I explained. "Jace died that day at Lake Lynn as well, why am I not affected like him?"

"The angels raised you both," Lilith explained as she took her hand back rubbing her fingertips against her palm. "You've always had a strong connection to them."

"But why?"

"They pity you," She muttered. "They see that even being in this realm you will never get the same amount of love you pour out to everyone else. You are the first to give yourself up and you will be the last anyone tries to save." The words buried themselves in my bones.

"A few would." 

I don't know why I was trying to defend them. I knew she was right and that's okay. I'm not an easy person to love, I never have been and I never will be.

"Your sister brought Jace back instead of you," She said. "What kind of a family is that?" I looked back down at the ground. The rush of leaning over the edge tore into my stomach.

"He's the love of her life," I breathed.

"Are you saying you would have done the same thing?" I let out a long breath.

"I wouldn't have brought anyone I cared for," I admitted. "No one would have been in that situation."

"That's because you refuse to let anyone else get hurt for you, to get hurt trying to save you," She reasoned. "And that is why they've pitied you."

"Must be a lot of pity if they've allowed me back twice," I shook my head.

"That boy," She muttered. "Alec. You love him?" I didn't answer her. "You love them all and that is your downfall."

"You love Jonathan," I shot back. She nodded.

"He is the one thing I never thought I would have. A child. A son," She looked out at the city as well. "Thanks to your father and his mischievous little mind I was able to have one. Jonathan. My precious boy," She looked down at the rings on her fingers. "He's the person I would sacrifice the world for. Is there one single person that you would sacrifice the world for?" She met my eyes.

"I can think of a few." Alec. Magnus. Isabelle. Clary. Luke. Jace. She nodded her head.

"The more you care for the more you are in danger of becoming something they will despise. Love is what turns people into monsters good or bad." She explained. "I learned that from my ex-husband." She pushed off the balcony and moved back inside. 

"Where are we going?" Jonathan pulled my hand.

"Keep moving. I want to show you something," He gripped it tighter as I started to fall behind. We got to a tree in the woods and he started to climb. I stared at him from the bottom.