Christmas with the Leclerc's

16

~painfully beautiful ~
December 16

Charles POV

Slowly I open my eyes, squinting them around the room. In confusion I look around my dark bedroom, where the night sky has fallen outside.

What am I doing in here, and why was I sleeping?

But everything makes sense, as my gaze comes to a halt the second it falls on her. Taking in deep breaths, her stomach rising and sinking slowly, she sleeps peacefully on my chest.

A little smile curls up my lips. She looks so peaceful, her soft snores the only sound inside the room. I can't help but stare.

Stare at her full and long eyelashes, and those fucking lips. The lips that make me debate every single life choice I've made.

I stare at her closed eyelids, where big brown eyes normally shine my way, that sparkle inside them somehow always managing to make me smile.

She's so fucking beautiful. So much it makes me physically unwell. 

Gently, I tuck a strand of her loose brunette curls behind her ear. Fucking hell, I could stare at her for hours, just admiring her beauty.

My gaze falls to her lips. My heart aches by just looking at them. A smile creeps up my lips, the same smile that Carolina always manages to make come through.

I stroke my hand against her cheek, her soft skin running under my fingers. I can't take my eyes of her lips.

That feeling appears in my stomach. The feeling that appears every time I see Carolina smile, hell it appears by just being in her company.

It's a feeling I haven't felt in years it's... wait. I haven't felt this way since... No. no.

Panic floods my veins, my chest aching in pain. No, it can't be true. I push away the thoughts, well at least I try to but...

Realization has already hit me, my throat closing in so it feels like I can't breathe. I don't want to believe it. I can't.

My heart skips a beat or two. I'm in love.

A horrid headache filling my head, I carefully move Carolina off me. I need to get out. I need to breathe. It can't be true. I... I promised myself I wouldn't.

Taking one last glance at Carolina, and her awfully gorgeous face, I hurry out of the room, my mind foggy as my whole body aches in pain.

Why can't I fucking breathe?!....

Trying not to wake anybody up, I rush through the house, tears welling in my eyes. I try to blink them away, but the harder I try, the more the tears push through.

Gasping for air, tears threatening to break free from my eyes, I throw on my shoes. Not bothering to put on a jacket, I almost burst open the front door, a powerful gush of wind blowing at me.

Frustration fills me, as Carolina's perfect lips show up in my mind, making the pain in my chest even worse. I don't love. I can't love her.

I slam the door behind me, entering the cold and dark night outside. My body already shaking from the cold, I run out into the snow, my hand stuck to my chest.

My heart is beating faster than ever, and I still can't fucking breathe.

I hate this. Hate how terrified I am, how something that would joy anyone else makes me feel this way. My feet dig deep into the wet snow, reaching all the way up to my calfs.

I run through the parking lot, the cold wind fighting against me. In order to hold in all my emotions, I bite down on my lip, stopping cries from leaving my mouth.

Forcing myself to run even faster, searching for my car, I feel the tears that to spill down my cheeks. Shit. I wipe them away, biting down even harder.

The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth. Fuck. My legs threaten to give out, as my car finally comes into my vision, the tears now streaming uncontrollably my face.

I continue to bite down on my lip, despite the blood running out, as I run the last stretch. My throat is still closed in, the need to gasp after air hiting me constantly.

Taking my car key from the pocket in my pants, I unlock the car, desperately running over to it. What the fuck am I even doing.

My mind feels foggy, the whole world spinning around as I grip out for the door handle with a shaking hand.

I throw open the door, the sound of my heartbeat pumping in my ears. Like it's going to save me, I throw myself into the car, slamming the door shut within seconds.

Silence. My hand digs into my hair. My heart beats out of my chest. Oh no. Everything breaks free, a deep cry that hurts all the way down to my stomach, escapes my mouth suddenly.

Once it starts I can't stop it again. Tears flooding my cheeks, my body shaking, I let everything I've been holding in out.

--❄--

Finally gaining control over my own body, my heart settling for a slower beat, Carolina shows up in my head.

Her dazzling eyes, her sweet smile, and her soft lips. Every part of her painfully beautiful face, fills my mind, making me remember why I'm freaking out.

One thing continues to enter my thoughts, continues to haunt my thoughts.

I promised.

I promised to myself I wouldn't do it again. But more importantly I promised for Julius. I promised it for his sake.

Her  face takes over my head. Lili. Just thinking her name hurts. But unlike when I see Carolinas face, Lili's face makes me feel anything but warmth.

Instead all that she's done to me fills my head. Realization hits me hard in the guts, as her facial features haunt me. Her face isn't beautiful to me anymore.

All of this. All of this fucking pain. It's all because of her, especially that haunting promise.

After she... I can't even think. A tear streams down my face.

After everything...I promised, for mine and Julius's sake, to never  fall in love again.

--❄--

Sorry for the sad chapter...
Things will get better don't worry!❤️‍🩹