Friendly Dating 2 - Ethan

Chapter 33 - Facing Reality

"Nothing," she croaks, and now she is undoubtedly pushing and looks a little panicked, so I let go of the counter to fold my arms over my chest. I'm giving her some space so she can feel less intimidated, but I'm not going to let her run away without talking to me.

"Kicks, come on," I say gently, smiling at her, though she's freaking me out. She blinks her eyes a few times, sucking in a deep breath.

"It's a long weekend," she finally says as if that explains anything.

"Yes, and?"

"Amber," she croaks, her eyes shying away from mine, and I just stare at her, trying to make sense of what she means. Amber... long weekend... What the hell has the one got to do with the other? Unless she wants the weekend off from our deal... Does she not want to spend the festival with me? Does she want Amber to take over and stand in for her this weekend?

No?! Really?! No!

"I hope you're not saying what I think you're saying," I groan, and I have to clear my throat a few times to make my voice work. It's like being punched in the gut.

"Which is?" Kira is looking confused now.

"That you want to hand me over to her to continue the tutoring."

"Huh?"

"Really, Kicks?" I'm genuinely upset now, and Kira is gaping at me as though I'm supposed to be okay with the fact that she's desperate to get out of being my girlfriend this weekend. "You find all of this so bad, you'd have a girl, I know you cannot stand, take over for you?"

"What?!" Kira squeaks, frowning at me.

It would've hurt less if she really did just punch me. I wish she were a guy; then she could just beat me up and get whatever is bugging her out of her system rather than be this cruel and crush my heart. The last time I felt this hurt was back when we were chosen to be the bride and groom in the school concert. When we got home, Kira spent the afternoon in Delia's room, making it very clear that she wanted to marry Robert Kingsley and not me. My bedroom was still next to Deli's back then, and I couldn't miss a word of her rant even though I wanted to.

I eventually ran away to Burlap's house and would've been in trouble if Deli hadn't done all my chores for me. She did make me do hers for the rest of the week to make up for it... and she told Kira that she'd never speak to her again if she married Robert and not me. Delia took the whole wedding thing almost as seriously as I did.

Until right now, it was just a cute childhood memory that often made us laugh, but now the residual emotions and pain still hanging around are coming crashing down in full force, and I know it is because I never understood what made Robert so special and me so unwanted.

I guess I really need to know.

"I know that you didn't want to marry me, okay," I growl, hating the stupid memory. Why can I not just forget it? It was fourth grade! "I know you wanted Robert Kingsley; hell knows why! The guy was such a baby! He cried every time I just looked at him for too long. Apparently, that is your type because all the guys you develop crushes on are like that. Do you want me to hand you over to him too, so that he can teach you all about dating?"

What the hell am I saying?!

I'm being an arsehole, and it's just making the hole in my heart grow bigger and leak black puss. It's true, though; all the guys Kira shows interest in turn tail and run when I just glare at them a little. She needs a man who can stand up for himself. One who is willing to fight for her, not some weakling who runs at my first growl. I want her to have a Simon!

Except, I want her Simon's name to be Ethan. I am that guy; I will fight for her. I won't run if someone growls at me...

I'll even let her go if she really needs me to let her go, but it is friggin' killing me!