The Meaning of my Tattoos

Tattoo 5 was when I came back from Afghanistan and Ky had been killed. This tattoo is also numbers: 1, 5, and 6. It was the cover for my tattoo for my ex, they used the heart to build inside of the ghillie suit and things blended together alright. This is probably one of the few tattoos my mom loves, the mixture of the two and the meaning of both is a good combination. There was a tattoo artist in Italy that made the ghillie suit, and then I got the words added a few months later when I got home. A ghillie suit, by the way, is a suit made up of yarn, grass, leaves, mud, anything from the environment to make you blend in. It's a universal sign of a sniper, even most video games make use of it. I figured it would be fitting for the memory of Ky. I never intended to get a tattoo with color on my body, I don't know why, but for something like this, I was willing to break it. That's the only color tattoo I have, everything else is on the greyscale somewhere.

Number 6, and the words next to the ghillie suit memorial reads: "Greater love hath no man, than to lay down his life for his brother. John 15:13" At this point, I knew I wasn't religious, but there is no better quote to sum up something like this. If I found a relevant quote in a video game, on a billboard, or some place else.. I would've tattooed it instead, but it didn't matter if it came from a religious script or anywhere else, that quote was perfect for what I wanted to convey.

My 7th tattoo, and when I started being involved in my tattoo designs - I never drew any of my own, my tattoo artist is amazing, but I came up with the ideas and would tell him stories so he could understand the feeling I wanted to convey.. He built the entire battle scene on my upper arm. There's three soldiers, one is providing covering fire, one is crumpled on the ground, and the last is taking a knee next to him, calling for a medic. It's the scene I wanted him to make, but at this point, I was still seeking answers for deeper meaning.. I refused to believe that we just rot in a hole in the ground when we die, if not for my sake, then at least for Ky's.

Behind the soldiers there are building that have been destroyed, smoke billowing up towards my shoulder.. where a figure, in a cloak with wings on his back, is reaching for the fallen soldier. You can translate it however you want, but I hope something like this is true for Ky. I wouldn't want anyone to just close their eyes and have darkness forever, I believe that there is something after death. Another post though.

The most recent tattoo I got, and the one I get asked about the most (at least on the internet) is the skeleton cowboy with his smoking eyes on my chest. My idea, not my art though, this artist is insanely detailed on this one and my half sleeve. The meaning behind it though, was another Brantley Gilbert song. I found this country artist at a pretty important time in my life, his songs, especially the earlier stuff before he became popular, was so full of emotion. When he sang about sadness, you could feel it, when he would sing about things you could relate to.. I just felt comfortable when I was listening to his music. I still do, and after a breakup, he has one song that just gives me the feels. If you're interested, it's called, "You Promised," I always thought I could feel his pain behind the song, maybe if you give it a listen, you'll feel what I'm talking about.

But the quote "Read Me My Rights" is a song of his, it's about standing up for what you think is right, regardless of whether it's against the law. As in, 'read me my rights and take me to jail, but I won't apologize or regret what I've done.' This is accurate to who I am, and even though this replaced my "FEARLESS" tattoo, it still holds a fairly similar meaning.

When I started getting tattoos, my goal was to only stay on one side of my body, the left side would be the "untouched side," and the right side may not be covered, but that's where I'd keep everything. I got the cross on my left arm and decided to keep everything on that side within religious belief, but as you can tell.. at some point, that stopped haha. My right side has become a map though.. my timeline in the military, or at least the impactful points. It breaks down like this: the unit I was in, the firefight where it happened, the resulting memorial, and the view that held true throughout.

I decided I wouldn't get anything else on my body unless it held true meaning to me. At this point, the most important thing to me is my dog, so maybe she will appear on my canvas next. It's not as exciting as my other journals, but for those following along, I'll give you some updates. I've been pretty stressed the last few days, in addition to posts I've written, I had to have some pretty difficult conversations with family, but I'm transparent with people that are close to me. Either way, it definitely had been weighing on me. I fell when I was climbing yesterday, and though it wasn't a bad fall, I jacked up my ankle pretty good and walking isn't easy anymore. That being said, I'm pretty sure it's a bad sprain, maybe a torn ligament or a small fracture or something, but nothing my ankles haven't seen before from rucking.

Bare with me while I gather my thoughts again, that climbing incident reminded me of all the other stupid shit I've done without thinking. I've had somewhere around 6 concussions, I believe, and three of them came from bull riding. Now, I'm no bull rider, but I wouldn't turn away from a challenge like that either.

Next time, I'll write about my very-short-lived bull riding career. I only rode a couple of times, but let me tell you, there is nothing like the feeling of a living, breathing, angry, 1500lb creature between your legs that wants nothing more than for you to get the fuck off of them..
..but I had to know what it was like, stupidity and curiosity go together.

'Til next time,

Cowboy