never knew I could feel like this. - JAYWON

fourth - blazing fire.

When the bell rings, he opens the door and welcomes a stunning Jungwon. Don't get him wrong, he looks always good, but sometimes he wears clothes that accentuate every part of his body just right. Black high waist skinny-jeans and a buttoned up scarlet red cardigan, which ends exactly where the waistband begins. Keyword 'waist', because damn it emphasizes one of Jays favorite parts of his body. And as it seems there's nothing underneath the cardigan. It exposes a lot of the ivory skin on his chest and Jay really wants to touch it.

"I just come in, alright?", Jungwon announces with a grin.

"S-sure", Jay murmurs, as he snaps out of it.

And when he follows him and sees Jungwon sitting on his small, cheap couch mindlessly scrolling through his social media feed, he feels it. This warm thump thump was his fast beating heart, capable of feelings. Love. L-O-V-E. Capital letters and all. He read so much of it in his books and finally has his own definition of it. In the form of a boy named Jungwon. Jungwon, who put him out of his this nothing. Jungwon, who makes him feel warm all over. Jungwon, who gives him strength and sense in his doings. Jungwon, his lifeline.

"Uh Jay?", Jungwon voices his concerns with raised eyebrows, because Jay stares at him like a deer in headlights.

Jay knows he should tell Jungwon all this. No, he has to. And before he gets dumb again and chickens out, he has to do it now. That's why he storms in the kitchen, hastily switches out the oven – glad, he didn't put in the noodles yet – and rushes back to a more than confused Jungwon.

"I have to tell you something", he blurts out.

Jungwon still confused, but now also a little scared looking nods. "Can you sit down for it?"

As an answer Jay takes a seat next to him. "I- Uhm..."

"You?"

Jay doesn't know where to start. He didn't have a plan for this, he doesn't know how these things work – he's really emotionally constipated, as Sunghoon phrased it. But he has to, wants to tell him that...

"...I love you."

"What?!"

It wasn't really the reaction Jay hoped for, but to be honest, it also wasn't a really good confession – not at all.

"Jungwon, you remember the talk we had a few weeks prior?", Jay decides to explain and earns a timid nod. "I didn't know, how to put my feelings for you in words. I'm really shitty with this type of things, if you didn't guess by now. But now I know." He leaves out the push he got from Sunghoon. "I love you. Loved you then, loved you probably when I first saw you with your stupid Twilight-book and will love you endlessly. You're my forever, my warmth, my lifeline. Please bear with this emotional disaster called Jay Park right here."

"Have I ever told you, that you're such an idiot?", Jungwon mumbles between sniffles and Jays head shoots up. Tears stream down Jungwons face, but he still wears a full on-smile.

"A few times, yes", Jay replies with a chuckle, while he wipes away the steady flow of tears with his thumbs.

"I love you too, you know", Jungwon says like it's nothing out of the ordinary and his smile turns into a Cheshire grin.

Jays brain shuts off and his only thought is to kiss the living daylights out of him. So he grabs Jungwon by his neck and crashes their lips together. He would like to say it is a meaningful, tender kiss after all their confessions – but it's not. It's forceful, full of passion and underlying lust. Teeth clank together and their tongues intertwine. Jungwons hand feel up Jays bicep, before he climbs in his lap.