are u with me

40

May 18th, Saturday
Their house
8:15 am

Emily's pov

JJ and I spent every second of the past week with each other, not kidding like we sit in the bathroom while the other person is using it. Hotch gave us a week off to get JJ situated again and honestly I don't know if we are ready for work.

Our separation anxiety has gotten extremely bad the thought of ever letting each other out of sight literally gives us panic attacks.

I currently am getting dressed and JJ comes up next to me and hugs me. "You have to get dressed my love." I say. "I know." She places a kiss on my chin, "I just hope we don't get split up today..."

"I have a letter for you. I want you to read it whenever we aren't together." I say, getting it out of the drawer and passing it to her. "I wrote it 2 weeks after you left."

"Em." She smiles and hugs my tightly.

"Seriously Jayje you have to get dressed!" "Alright alright I'm working on it."

-

We are in the car now and JJ seemed to have an attitude about something. "What's wrong love?" I ask. "I don't want to go to work to be honest. I know I have to but I just want more time off." "You could probably talk to Hotch about that. I'm sure he would be understanding."

She sighs and sits back in her seat. I pull into the parking garage and park the car in the quickest spot I could find. "Come here." I say as I pull my seat back and recline it a little.

She climbs into my lap and I just hold her, taking in her precious scent. "What if I'm not ready?" She asks. "Jayje you've mastered everything life has thrown at you. I know you have this."

She snuggles her face on my neck and sits there for a moment. We have 5 minutes before we actually have to go in so.

I feel a tear drop roll down my neck and I look down at JJ who was silently crying. "Hey." I wipe her tears, "I'm here JJ, I'm not leaving you today. Nothing bad is going to happen to you it's work. I have you, and your team has you."

"I-i don't t-think I can." She says starting to shake in my arms but I feel her pull me closer to her. Her breath shortens and she starts trying to move around frantically.

She's having an anxiety attack.

She's never had an anxiety attack before, only a panic attack. I for one have experienced both and know that they are two very different things.

"It's too hot. I can't breathe." She starts sobbing and hyperventilating, "Emily I can't do this."

I open the car door so she can get some air she panics trying to remove the feeling of her clothes off her skin... I know this is what she's trying to do because I've done this before.

"JJ you're okay." I tell her. "I'm gonna be sick." She cries, throwing up outside the car and I hold her hair back. She starts crying and breathing harder afterwards, trying to move around.

I pull her as close to me as possible, trying to ground her. I try to think of a memory to remind her that she's not in danger and that she's okay.

"JJ remember Christmas in Boston? We spent it with the team and we spent the evening making a snow man and cookies and dancing around my kitchen while Rossi cooked. Our first Christmas together, one out of many more."

"I wish I could be the person I was on Christmas." She says. "You are that person Jayje. You went through something, something so terrible that no one should ever have to go through. And you went through it alone. My love you're still here, and I'm so proud of you. You're my hero. I swear to you Jennifer Jareau as long as I'm with you, you will always be safe."

I hear sniffles from below me and her cries seem to stop. "I'm gonna text Hotch okay? I think you should take another day off, and we can try again tomorrow." I say. "Okay." She sniffles.