Unsettled

Preface.

For those standing at life's crossroads, struggling to choose between holding on and breaking free,

this is for you.

I find myself in the corner of Seniman Café in Ubud as I write this sentence, reflecting on a year-long journey since I began writing this book. An unexpected conversation with an elderly gentleman, who humorously offered a taxi service, broke the silence. He chuckled and said, "I'm from Hawaii." I responded with a smile, "It's a beautiful island, just like this one."

These are the moments that make me appreciate where I am. In Ubud, Bali, surrounded by warm conversations with strangers. I sit, typing away, living the slow life I'd once only dreamed of. As I look back at my life a year ago, I never imagined I would arrive at this place, both physically and mentally. But here I am, not only survived; I've thrived.

A friend once asked, "Your memoir? is it worth reading?" My response surprised even me, "Perhaps, for people who feel related" I once believed my experiences weren't worthy of a memoir, affirming a hierarchy of pain that considered some stories not worth sharing. Yet, here I am, writing to heal, not for validation but to offer comfort to those who resonate with my stories and my struggles.

This memoir is filled with unfiltered truths about my complex journey, marked by moments of clarity and confusion, joy and sorrow, and love and loss. It's a quest through uncharted waters, where the only constant is change.

Each chapter is a new act, a different chapter of my life. There's the confusion of adulthood, the pain of a little girl from a broken family, the moving-on process of past loves, the struggle to rebuild myself, and the daunting approach of turning 30. It's all here, open for you to see. Through these stories, I want to show that life's uncertainties don't have to stop us. They can push us forward, even when we're navigating uncertain times, struggling to break free from the ghosts of our past while trying to prove our worth to the world.

This book wouldn't be possible without the unwavering support of the people in my life. To Ratu, you've been my solid ground, a constant presence lifting me since day one. To my cousin Dea, your non-judgemental love has been my anchor through this journey. To my brother Yongky, despite the challenges we've faced in recent years, this book is dedicated to you. Mom and Dad, your life lessons have been the driving force behind my personal growth. Hanum, my best friend since we were five, who's shared my dreams and heard all my complaints. Thank you for always being there.

"Unsettled" is not just my story. It's a testament to the resilience within all of us, showing that even when life gets messy and we feel lost countless times, we can still navigate through the rough seas and find smoother waters on the other side.

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"We have only two jobs on this earth. The first, to learn. The second, to cope. To finding something worth learning and to cope in with it."

-Professor Youens (Shameless Season 6, Episode 6)