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Hurt.

I feel tears build up in my eyes and I motion for Kevin to stop.

Everyone circles around me and the crowd starts murmuring.

What's wrong?

"The pain!" I let my tears fall.

"What hurts, honey?" Kirstie asks.

"My back!" I scream.

"It's okay, it's okay, calm down. We're getting help."

It feels like a thousand knives are being stabbed into my back.

I clench my eyes shut and feel myself being lifted offstage.

Kirstie and Mitch run off with me while Kevin and Avi stay onstage.

"Where does it hurt?" Kirstie asks once I'm lifted onto a stretcher.

"Ev- everywhere!" I sob.

"Okay, okay. Calm down. You're probably just worn out."

An EMT comes over and starts questioning Mitch and Kirstie.

"Any recent accidents?"

"Um, yeah we got in a car accident and his back was messed up pretty bad. He wears a brace." Kirstie says.

Ugh, Kirstie.

"Can I take a look to see what kind?"

"It's in the dressing room, but I'm supposed to wear it all the time." I admit.

"Why did you take it off?" The medic asks.

"My back was hurting... I thought it would make it feel better."

"That's actually going to make it worse. Especially since you're constantly sitting. Just keep it on and take prescription meds. You can also look into getting a different type of brace if the pain persists."

I nod. "Thank you."

Esther comes over with my brace and some pain meds.

"Keep this on," She says and helps me take off my shirt to put it on. "And take these."

I put on the brace and my shirt and jacket to cover it and take the pills.

"Ready?" Kevin asks.

I grab my mic and get rolled back onto the stage.

The crowd roars and starts chanting.

"Sorry guys. I had a minor injury but I'm okay now!" I say into the mic.

The crowd "awww"s.

"So to pick back up, this is La La Latch!"

We sing the song over again and everything was back to normal.

I manage to get through the show with minimal pain to my back.

"How're you feeling?" Kirstie asks after the show.

"Okay."

"Like... 'I'm dying' okay or really okay?"

I smile. "No, really. I'm fine now."

"Okay, well I'm gonna go get changed. Call me if you need anything."

Mitch comes into our dressing room.

"Hey hunty." I say.

How are you?

"Fine... a little hungry, but fine."

Good.

"Are we getting dinner?" I ask as my stomach grumbles.

He laughs. "Yes."

I smile at the fact that he talked again.

He's been talking on and off and it's getting a little better.

"Ooh where?"

"J..." Japanese.

He struggles with bigger words.

"Yessss Mama's favorite." I say.

He takes his shirt off and pulls a sweatshirt over his head.

Christmas shopping tomorrow?

My eyes widen. "Christmas is in two weeks! And we're not going home." I frown.

You have me. He smiles and kisses my cheek.

"Yeah, you're right. Help me get dressed?"

He nods and gets my clothes.

After were changed we rush out to meet some fans and, more importantly, (just kidding) get food.

I get on the bus and lay down on a couch.

I don't think people understand how painful this is.

Also, it's extremely hard to learn to walk whilst in constant pain.

"Okay, so everyone is down for Japanese?" Esther asks.

We all mumble responses, obviously tired from the show.

"Okay, well it's a little far so you all can get naps." She says.

Except me.

"Oh, and Scott, I'm taking you to the doctor tomorrow." Esther says and I just nod.

I don't want to go to a doctor.

I'm fine.

My phone rings in my pocket.

I pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Scott?"

"Sam?"

"Thank god."

"What's up?"

We've been texting as usual but she hasn't called me in a while.

"I... It spread." She spits out.

"What?"

I get weird looks from the others.

"My leg... they're amputating it."

"But... you're not gonna die, right?"

Wow, great choice of words, Scotty.

"No..."

She sounds unsure.

"Okay... I'll be thinking about you. Please keep me updated. I love you."

"Love you too." We hang up.

"Is everything okay?" Kirstie asks.

"Sam... the cancer spread and she has to have her leg amputated." I say, choking through tears.

Why am I crying?

"Oh, honey. It's okay." Kirstie says.

Why is everything bad happening to me?

I wish I could storm out of the room right now, but I can barely move.

I don't say anything and play on my phone.

I excuse myself to the bathroom.

I go in the small bathroom and look at my scarred hand.

Hurt.

My legs.

Hurt.

My feelings.

Hurt.

Relationships.

Hurt.

Everything.

Hurt.

I pull out a blade.

Hurt.

I slide it across my fingertips.

Hurt.

I slide it across my arm.

Hurt.

I carve into my wrist.

Hurt.