Dahlia

Lily

I also saw Johannon a few times. He ignored me, obviously. But, I saw that I had a nephew. He had a baby in his cart. Hair like ours, like our mothers. I remember when I tried to see Bonnie, and her mom wouldn't let me. We don't even have to talk about when I saw Jared and Karma in the store. We know what happened there, Karma slapped me.

Once I died, and as well, killed my father, it seemed like Johannon didn't give a single fuck, but he did. He was upset. He was grieving and hated himself for it. He hated that he was sad over people like me and my dad. Suddenly, the only family he had was our sister and his small family. Suddenly, he was an orphan. He was also pissed that he didn't get any money. That's right. I honestly didn't think that through. I totally would've given half of it to him and my sister. But I wasn't in my right mind as I wrote it down. I could only think about Jared and my daughter, Bonnie. So I gave them the money.

Anyways...I have regrets. I regret for all I did to Jared. I do remember bits and pieces of it, but not all. I don't remember any of the feelings I had. I remember him in the cell. I remember undressing him, and I remember throwing a bucket at the cell. I remember screaming and yelling, I remember this cold dark tunnel. I remember being silent as I heard Jared's faint, soft cries. But that's it. I don't remember uh... doing stuff to him. I don't remember even a bit of it. I will admit, I had feelings for him. I did think he was attractive and I was honestly disgusted with myself. I never thought about anything gross though. I would never in a million years have sex with him, but I did. And I can't change that.

I will never forgive myself, and I don't deserve to either. I don't deserve forgiveness at all, and that's an unspoken fact. That bunker I had him in... I've known of that place since I was in 6th grade. I would sneak off there. I even stayed there for a week once with Harry. I don't know how Harry didn't put it together that I was there, but whatever. At least he was found.

I also threatened an innocent man into doing that with me. Victor. I apparently threatened to kill his family if he didn't help me. But you know, he still enjoyed most of it until shit got real.

Since I told you how Jared's Mom reacted to me, I should tell you how Adam was when he saw me. He didn't hold back. He yelled, he hit, he tried to choke me. Adam got a slap on the wrist and that's it.

~KARMAS POV~

I got a call from Jojo today. I was packing up mine and Rowan's things, since we are leaving this week.

"Hey Karma!" Jojo said.

"Hey! I haven't talked to you in a while." I replied.

"How are you?" He asked.

"Meh. You know? Just meh. I'm also sad because I'm leaving here. I've gotten used to the Sverige ways." I replied as I was folding clothes.

"Oh, you're leaving this week? I thought you had a few months to go." He asked.

"Well, I've been better. I'm not laying in bed all day like I was. I'm able to control myself, and I'm not suicidal, as much. And I've been able to properly care for my baby." I responded.

"I hope we can hang out when you get back. I haven't seen you since the funeral." He asked.

"Mmm, might take me a while to settle. I mean, I'm going back to the house Jared and I shared. I'm probably going to be all sad again for a few days." I replied.

"Makes sense. Just let me know when you want company." He told me, "I love you, Karma. I'm glad you're doing better, and I'm sorry you're going through this."

"Thanks Jojo. And I'm sorry you lost your friend." I told him.

"Don't even apologize to me. I'm sorry you lost not only your best friend, your lover and forever partner." He replied. We talked for a little while longer before he hung up to go to bed. It was bright and early in the morning for me. He called me at 11 pm for him, but it's 8 AM for me.

After some packing, I realized I may have bought too many things. So I had to borrow my aunts car to buy ANOTHER suit case... But, my cousin came with me again! Vince! Along with Rowan.

"She's my...second cousin, right?" Vince asked me.

"Yup!" I replied as we pulled into the parking lot at a store.

"I'm gonna miss you. I wish you didn't have to leave." He told me.

"Hey, I'll come and visit, so don't worry! I'll even bring my kids." Told him.

"Good. I'll miss Rowan. And you, of course." He said. Also, I need to remind you, we have been speaking Swedish this whole time.

"I'll miss you too, Vince. Maybe I'll even fly you and your mom out to visit me, huh?" I replied with a smirk as I lightly elbowed him.

"America? Really!?" He asked in excitement.

"Yeah!" I replied. We pulled into a parking spot and we got out. He held Rowan the whole time until we got a cart, which is when we put Rowan in the cart. We got me a suitcase and some snacks I wanted to bring back to the states, and for him and I to eat since I'm still there for a few days.

"Do you have any kronor?" I asked him. Krona/Kronor is the Swedish currency.

"I have 104 SEK." He said. That's about $20.

Pick out one thing in this store, and I'll get it for you. Price doesn't matter." I told him, "unless it's snacks or food, I'll just buy those. But you pick out one thing you really want, and I'll get it." I explained.

"What!!" He exclaimed. After a little bit of shopping, he found what he wanted me to buy.

"You sure?" I asked. He nodded, so now he has an IPad! He said it was because he wants to digitally draw on a better app, and this is how he was going to do it. He said he's going to buy procreate, but fuck that, I'm going to buy it for him. And imma get him and Apple Pencil, and whatever brushes on the app he wants. Yes, I'm spoiling him. He deserves it! He gets good grades, drum major in his school band, AND he does volunteer work at animal sanctuaries.

He's super busy all the time, and I'm happy to do whatever he wants for him. Anyways, the next week came. I leave back home in 2 days. I am so excited! I can't wait to see Elle!!!!! And my Jun bug! My dad does have work on the day I get back, so Jared's mom is picking us up from the airport!

We haven't told Elle and Junji that I'm coming home early, so it's a surprise! AUGH I'm gonna miss Sweden though.

But update on Rowan, she can stand! Can't walk obviously, but she can crawl amazingly. She also has 3 teeth! And her hair grows FAST because there's a lot of it already. Her laugh is the cutest thing in the world, and so is her smile. I love her. I'm so glad Jared and I decided to have her. I almost didn't want to because his chance of death, but he believed in me. He knew I'd be able to care for her when he's gone. He knew I'd be heart broken, he knew I was going to be a wreck. But he believed in me, and I'm glad he did. Although I did neglect my kids, my dad was there. He cared for them when i should've. But it's understandable, and I don't regret it. I needed to be at my lowest to work my way back up. Because, when your at the bottom, the only way to go is up. It took a suicide attempt for me to make my way up, so I'm not glad of that, but it all worked out.