Something you wish for - Kavetham / Haikaveh Hanahaki AU

The reunion

I decided to move on with my life as it was. Its impossible to find someone if you hadn't even seen them in three years, who knows, maybe he even left Sumeru at that point. I didn't choose to do the surgery though, I just couldn't. I couldn't let him go. I just decided to wait for my end to come, I was ready for it at any moment. Hiding my Hanahaki has been a struggle though, often I would leave for the bathroom whenever I felt my breathing struggle, but it became more and more and eventually people started to question it. Especially at my job, I succeeded in getting the scribe title, but it had been a while of being at the academia and it was hard keeping in my cough. People asked if I had a chronical illness or something and I just told them yes, I wasn't completely lying, Its not like it was ever going to leave. It had been about a year of being the scribe, the job had been exactly how I expected it to be, not a whole lot of work, and rather simple, I also moved into the house that had been granted to me by the academia, a left over result of that project that ended everything. The house was nice though, warm and not very chaotic, and it gave me a quiet space to read in peace. Though, I still thought of Kaveh every day. As much as I have tried to forget him, it was as if my heart never would. I never believed in love before, but ever since finding out about Hanahaki I had been showing more interest in it, like in this moment, reading a book about how to get rid of a crush. It was quite an interesting book, but I don't know if it was accurate, all the methods listed seemed impossible, maybe because I already fell too deep in the hole called 'love'. Many moments I hated it. Many moments I thought about the surgery, but stopped myself knowing I would regret it. I wouldn't, I wouldn't remember. But what if Kaveh showed up, and I wouldn't know who he was? What then? I couldn't let myself forget. I put down the cup of tea I was drinking, breathing was getting harder again. I moved to the bathroom again, something which I was used to at this point. I waited until my cough triggered and let it happen, luckily there weren't any more petals than usual, a sign that the illness wasn't progressing as fast. I flushed down all of it and went back to my book. Halfway the path I realised I didn't want to read about it anymore, its easier to just ignore this than trying to get rid of it. Instead, I decided to take a walk outside to clear my mind. Maybe I could buy some alcohol on the way. I never ever thought about drinking, but at this point I was already dying, it didn't matter anymore. 

I walked towards the tavern, noise cancelling headphones on, playing music trough them. I added that feature somewhere around when I became scribe. It was hard getting trough paperwork without any sound at all, but I'd rather listen to music than to other people so I added a little music player which I carried around with me in my belt pouch. When I arrived at the tavern I turned the music down and took my headphones off so I could order something. Approaching the bar I found the last person I ever expected, wasted and... crying? The bartender payed no mind to it, people probably came there to do that all the time. I however, decided to approach him. The one person I hadn't seen in so long I started questioning if he was even alive at all, was sitting right in front of me. "Kaveh? Is that you?" I spoke, cautiously. After not having seen him for so long I wasn't sure what to expect anymore. Kaveh looked up, seemingly startled by someone calling his name. "Who- Alhaitham!?" He almost yelled this, causing me to gain the urge to put my headphones back on. Kaveh apparently read my expression because he immediately became quieter. Kaveh had always been the only one to be able to read my facial expressions, I am not a very expressive person, though I do show emotions, they're hard to read. Kaveh spoke up again, "Why are you even here? I thought you hated alcohol."  I was caught off guard by this question, of course I couldn't answer honestly. I walked towards Kaveh and sat down next to him while thinking of what to say. Eventually I found my words, "They sell more than just alcohol here you know?" Inside I face palmed at myself. I find Kaveh after three years and I use my rude tone again, how stupid. To neutralise my words I added something, "Anyways, why are you here, apart from drinking of course. You were... crying, right?" I wanted to know why, even though I still thought he hated me, I still hoped for him to explain. I looked him in the eyes and I watched more tears well up in them. I had only seen Kaveh cry once when we were very little, before we became friends. Kaveh was never the type to show his emotions off quickly, so I knew something was very wrong. Within minutes, Kaveh was ranting his entire life story to me. From his dead father, his mom leaving for Fontaine, to the Palace of Alcazarzaray. I listened everything trough, guilt overflowing me once again. I could have been there to help him trough it.. life has been so much on him for all this time. After Kaveh was done talking he fell silent, staring at his now empty glass of what used to be wine. I felt one question burning inside me, one I shouldn't ask. I didn't want to ruin it again, but eventually I still asked it. 

"How has realising your ideals gone for you?" I asked this, not with my usual tone. Instead, I used a calmer one, with something comforting hiding inside it. Kaveh looked at me again, I could see in his crimson eyes that he was having trouble thinking of an answer. Eventually he gave me one, "I don't believe my ideals were the problem, but rather the methods I used to achieve them." Kaveh sighed deep before he continued, "People should not give up, even if they are doing great in an attempt to make up for something, the results will still have meaning for some." After speaking, he looked down at his glass again. He smiled, seemingly confident about what he said. I sighed, knowing after all of this, I could never change his view on the world. I was glad though, that he didn't seem to hate me at all. And then it hit me, for the entire time of speaking to him, I didn't cough a single time. Trying to process this, I had an idea. "Kaveh, you're currently homeless right?" It seemed like a rude question, but I needed him to trust where I was going with this. "Yes, Why? Are you trying to criticise me for it or something? go ahead." Kaveh's words stung like hell, reminding me I was the cause of this. Even though I felt my lungs struggle again, I was determined to continue, "No, Kaveh. I wanted to offer becoming your roommate... or rather, you becoming my roommate? What I'm saying is, how about you come live with me." After that long sentence I was struggling trying not to cough, I couldn't ruin this moment any further. Kaveh only looked at me with shock. "Me.. live with you!? No.. no I can't ask that of you, we haven't spoken in years, and... I would only bother you.." Kaveh was sure to reject it, but I was determined. "Its the house that would have been yours if you had accepted it, no need to feel guilt, you could see this as me returning your half to you." I said, looking him straight in the eyes. I needed him to say yes. "Please, Kaveh. I can't let you suffer on the streets all alone." I never thought I would say something like that... neither did he. Still hesitant, he eventually agreed. "Alright... but at least let me help you around with chores and stuff.. I don't want to be useless to you." I sighed as I stood back up. "Alright, if that's what it takes to get you to come with me." I held out a hand towards him. "Come on, I'll cover your tab for now." Kaveh looked at me, still processing what was going on. Apparently it was so weird for me to be a nice person. Did he really see me that way? Well, at least I could breathe easily again. Something in me felt at peace as I finally took the one I love, home with me.