Something you wish for - Kavetham / Haikaveh Hanahaki AU

The final argument.

In one of the very few classes we have together, we were assigned a group project. Of course I picked Kaveh as my partner, and he seemed glad about that. Some others joined in as well, I just let Kaveh deal with them because socialising still is not one of my hobby's, to put it lightly. Kaveh decided to let me pick the topic. I decided to do something that would perhaps interest the both of us, so we could both put in the work. For Kaveh I picked ancient structures, this was something from my Darshan but Kaveh would be interested in the architecture of them I suppose, I added Ancient runes and linguistics to the topic, something I would be good at. We all took part in this and would each do our part. I did make sure people didn't try to take advantage of Kaveh again, If he gets a burnout the project would get a lower grade. Though it turns out we were too advanced for them anyways so they ended up stepping out. It was just the two of us now, it was nice working like this. I later discovered they didn't actually leave. Kaveh had tried to help them so they would stay, because he was convinced that wisdom would be achieved with more people. I decided to go talk to him about this.

I walked up to Kaveh again the next time we met up for the project. He was sitting there already, rather distracted with a little doodle he was making in his notebook. "Hello Kaveh." Kaveh was startled by my sudden words. "Oh hi Haitham!" Kaveh had shortened my name as a sort of nickname. He would also call me junior sometimes, just to tease me. "Kaveh we need to talk." I spoke, while my face remained serious. Kaveh's expression changed to worry. "Did something happen?" I shook my head and continued to talk. "Why do you overwork yourself just to keep the others in our group, Kaveh?" I kept the same facial expression while I locked eyes with him. Something I only did with him. "If they leave we won't get a good result! Wisdom can only be achieved if there are multiple people, the only setback have been these obstacles so I'm helping them overcome them!" Kaveh's worried expression changed to confidence and reassurance as he spoke. I could only feel more concern. "You should not help them. The two of us are already multiple we don't need them. If they can't keep up they will only hold us back." This explanation felt logical to me, it was my perspective on this. "No! you can't just selfishly kick people out of our project because they are slower, If they need help it is only fair to help them!" Kaveh seemed frustrated, but also determined. This is not what I wanted to read off his face, or his tone, but here we are. I sighed. "Certain matters have their upper limit determined by talent and their lower bound determined by hard work. Ordinary people and geniuses would be separated by various practical realities, and they do not have to force themselves to fit into a group they did not belong to. They wanted to leave themselves. You can't force them to stay and give yourself a burnout in the process Kaveh." This statement seemed to have angered Kaveh even more. Shit. Why couldn't he just understand where I'm coming from!? Kaveh stood up from where he was sitting. "Why can't you and your selfish little shrimp brain understand my point. They deserve to uncover wisdom as well, that's the whole point of them attending the academia, the least I can do is help them a little!" He had started raising his voice now. My expression remained calm, but inside I felt uneasy. We had never had a dispute like this before, why now? Did I make a mistake trying to be his friend? Despite questioning this, I still stood by my point. "You are too idealistic, Kaveh. The academia isn't charity work, temporary salvation will not change the reality of the differences between us." Kaveh could only stare at me from here. He tried to form a sentence. "You.... Why... What...." After not being able to finish one he ended up grabbing his stuff and walking away. 

We both kept working on the project after this, meeting up less. The other people had finally left us alone and I wanted to fix our friendship, but it only seemed to get worse. Every time we met in the library, we started arguing again. As if we never were close to begin with. The last time we met up it went even worse. I had walked up to him, expecting him to give me angry looks again, I know he was trying to forgive me, but I simply could not say the right words. "I now know why you never had any friends apart from me, you are such an egoist! Did you consider that maybe you would be much better welcomed amongst people if you cared about helping just a little more often!?" His words hurt me, I know he is right but that was my choice. I never cared about the others, he was my friend, not them. I started to feel angry too now. "May I point out that your impractical idealism is simply a flight from reality? It will come to be a burden on your existence someday. The source of your altruism is nothing but your inescapable sense of guilt. It is not going to help you in life, you know?" My tone changed to be slightly more irritated. Kaveh stared at me. I could see in his eyes those words had hit him too harshly. Deep inside I wanted to apologise, take my words back. But on the other hand he needed to hear the truth sometime. I didn't know what to say anymore. Kaveh was looking down at the floor now. He spoke, his voice quiet. "I hate you. I hate you, I hate you I hate you!!" His voice was building up more anger and more sound. "You were my best friend. You know that right? I regret this decision. I should never have tried to befriend you. Oh how dare I befriend a person so much more smart and intelligent than me!" That last part was sarcastic, I thought so at least. He didn't think I thought like that about him.. right? But I was angry, I didn't think straight. "Okay fine. If you hate me so much, I will just remove my name from the Thesis. You can keep your copy of it and get your pretty grade. I'm off." And with that I walked away. Kaveh was left standing there, I could tell he was almost in tears, they were tears of anger though. But I was too angry to pay attention to it. 

After this we never spoke again, only in academic journals, we made the dumb mistake to just argue with each other trough there. I decided to avoid Kaveh, he did the same with me. Deep inside I missed him, now that everything was back to normal. The only difference was that I was no longer observing him. I made sure I stopped caring, I didn't want to see his face again. That was a lie. But this what is is now, I couldn't fix it anymore.