cigarette ends | ✔️

xix.

"Please, Emilia," he rasped. "If we start... I won't be able to stop."

"Who said you had to stop?" I was pulsing with need and every part of me wanted to close the gap between us.

"We can't do this. You're drunk. You're not thinking straight," he murmured, shaking his head even as his gaze never left my lips.

My head was spinning, and so was my stomach. "My thoughts are in perfect order," I answered, leaning even closer until our lips were a breath away from each other. 

Our lips brushed, and I felt it everywhere. I pulled him closer-

But his hands found my shoulders and he pulled us apart, shaking his head over and over again. "Emilia. This is wrong. You're going to regret this in the morning, and I'm not going to kiss you when you're drunk."

I felt my expression drop. He rejected me.

As soon as he saw my face, his immediately morphed into regret. His grip on my shoulders was still firm and probably the only thing holding me up. "I want this. Believe me, I want this. But when I finally kiss you, Emilia, I want you to remember it."

Then he let go of me, grabbed the bottle on the ground, and walked away.

✦✧✦✧ 

I'd never been so humiliated in my life.

The term "walk of shame" was invented for the moment that I had to walk back to the campfire, where everyone was, utterly embarrassed.

The night had passed quickly when I decided to read my book instead of partaking in the activities, and soon enough, we had to pack up our things and go back onto the cruise ship.

Lacey came up to me as we re-boarded the boat. "Hey, are you alright?" she asked, offering to carry one of the chairs I was holding.

"Drunk," I muttered, my head pounding too hard for me to think of another logical response as I allowed her to take the chair from me.

She chuckled. "Tequila will do that to you." When I didn't respond, she sighed and waited until I had put everything on the deck before turning to me and grabbing my hands. "Are you sure you're alright? What happened when you went on that walk?"

"Nothing. I just needed fresh air," I said automatically.

She rose a skeptical brow. "And what happened with Augustus?"

"What do you mean?" I suddenly found the darkening sky a lot more interesting.

"When he came back, he seemed... upset. We asked him what happened, but he wouldn't answer."

I shrugged. "He just came to check up on me."

"And?"

I shrugged again, helpless. "There was something, but he dismissed it. He left, and I realized I was an idiot."

Lacey frowned in front of me, then pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry," she whispered into my ear. "But I'm sure it was for the best."

Sure. For the best.

✦✧✦✧ 

The night was even worse.

I was pacing the room and chugging water until I heard the door unlock and Augustus come in.

I looked away, too embarrassed to make eye contact, and sat on the edge of my bed. I wasn't even aware of the way my knees were bouncing up and down until I felt a hand steady them.