take it how you want it

stupid boys.

I chase after them

obsess over them

love them from afar

all because I want validation from them

these stupid boys who do not want to

or ready to love someone like me the way I need

they are never straightforward with me

I'm often confused about where I truly stand

Am I your girl or just another one added to the list

my self-worth seems to struggle to stay high

the moment these stupid boys look me in the eyes

I feel nothing but the unsatisfied part of my heart reaching out of my chest

hoping to connect to their hearts in hopes of creating a love I feel I've been missing

but these stupid boys want things only my body can offer

sex and the look of me on their arm is what keeps them attached to me

not because they genuinely like my company

but this is where these stupid boys and I realize we have different hearts

once I touch your body the way you touch mine I want it to mean something

meaningless plots and sex with stupid boys make me wonder if I will ever find that love

the type of love you see in the Notebook

or the type you read in love poems or chapter books

I hope that in between those lines I read they tell me if I'm closer

they fill the hope in my heart that slowly is burning out

I don't want to give these stupid boys the last pieces of me

Especially if I'm just a meaningless piece in their story

I want my presence to be missed

my touch to be craved

and images of me and our favorite moments on a loop in their head

maybe then love won't be so scary to me

but these stupid boys have me blinded

feeding into the false idea that their love is what I will receive in the end

but I think I know deep down

before I touch their skin and share my body

I think I know it's all meaningless

It's all for fun

It's all for the hell of it

and then I'm the one in the bathroom on the floor

crying

wondering why I fell for it all again

I hate stupid boys

I really do