Have You Seen Diana Naked?

5

"Watson, now that you've calmed down, I'd like to ask you something. I gather you made friends with Carl Jung this morning, didn't you." Holmes said, lying on his bunk.

"I wouldn't call us friends," answered Watson, putting the "History of the Trojan War" aside on the table and rising to the sitting position on his bunk. "But we had a rather nice chat over breakfast."

"I want you to go on with your friendly talks with that shrink guy. I fancy he is traveling in the same cabin as his companion. Go to their place now and get Jung out of the cabin. You can both take a walk on the promenade deck, or better yet, have a drink; there is a good open-air cafe on the upper deck."

"What's all this for, Holmes? What am I going to talk with him about?"

"Whatever you want, it doesn't matter to me at all.Tell him about an incident in your childhood that influenced your sexual consciousness later on. Something that was a real shock to you. Psychoanalysts love to hear that kind of crap."

"Oh, I remember such a thing, when I was eight years old, my little sister kicked me in the balls, right in front of five other girls."

"Watson, don't be an idiot, you're a girl now, how could you get kicked in the balls? You'd better tell him about the first time you masturbated as a girl child, of course. Or the first time you saw your dad's cock."

"I've never seen my father's penis," Watson said. " And I don't even know where their cabin is."

"Cabin 45, deck B."

"But how do you know, Holmes? Don't tell me it's your deduction."

"My dear Watson, sometimes tipping a steward works better than any deduction."

"Mr. Jung is a psychiatrist, and I'm afraid  my true gender may be easily revealed to him."

"Try your best, my dear friend," said Holmes, gesturing for his companion to rise from the bed.

Watson stood up and looked at the detective.

"I'll do as you ask, Holmes. But just so you know, I never masturbated as a child."

"You're lying, Watson," said Holmes.

"How do you know?"

"This time it's pure deduction, my dear friend," Holmes smiled broadly. "And you saw your dad's dick. Summer 1875. You caught your naked father with a prostitute in the library."

"Deduction again? I am totally amazed, Holmes," said Watson excitedly.

Holmes shook his head.

"I read your diary, Watson."

Half an hour later Sherlock Holmes stood in front of cabin B 45 with his messenger bag slung over his shoulder. He knocked lightly on the door.

"Komm bitte rein," the answer came in German.

Holmes opened the door and stepped inside.

"Sorry to disturb you, sir," said the detective, closing the door behind him. - My name is George Brown."

Sigmund Freud, who was sitting at the table by the porthole, stopped writing in his notebook and turned to his guest.

"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Brown," the psychoanalyst said in English with a strong German accent. "What can I do for you?"

"I was told that my wife could be in your cabin," the sleuth said in a meek voice.

"Your wife?" Freud asked in surprise.

"Yes, she was seen with your colleague this morning. So I thought that she might be..."

"Oh, you mean Mr. Jung, my partner. Yes, some lady came and took him somewhere. But I have nothing to do with this situation, and I have no idea where they might be now. I understand that you may be a little jealous right now, but I can't help you. Herr Jung is an independent man and completely beyond my control. By the way, I forgot to introduce myself - Sigmund Freud."