Coach's Daughter

38

I haven't gone to any of my other classes for the rest of the day. I've been too busy crying and screaming and trying to fall asleep to escape the pain, but regardless of the fact I only got one hour of sleep last night, my body refuses to rest.

After crying for so long, at some point you do get exhausted. I'm eventually to the point I lay in my bed and stair at the ceiling, tears drying on my face.

I look across my room to the pink and purple hippopotamus. The one Paige won me at that carnival. Our first date.

I go get the stuffed animal, bringing it back to bed with me. I hold it tight as I think back to that day. Paige was so kind to me. She gave me flowers, won me prizes, held my hand. She held my hand. She didn't jerk away from my touch like she did today. She willingly touched me, kissed me, cuddled me and seemed to enjoy it all. But I guess people can change their minds. Their minds and their feelings.

All this feels like waking up from a dream. A really really good dream. Was any of it even real? Great. I'm already losing my mind.

I can't believe in the span of a month Paige went from not knowing me, wanting me, to hating me. I remember the night she followed me back on instagram. That one simple act spiraled into the heartbreak I'm facing now.

I open instagram on my phone just to see that she follows me. Or maybe she hates me so much now that she went out of her way to unfollow me.

When I search up her name, I'm confused to see it looks like she's deleted all her posts and her account in general looks weird. I then notice I can't see her follower nor following counts. Did she block me?

I go to dm her but the messages won't send. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach for what feels like the hundredth time today. Just as I was starting to calm down, I'm back to balling my eyes out. She really does hate me. What did I do? I wish she would just talk to me.

I then look on Snapchat to see if she blocked me there too. Sure enough, there is a little x beside her name. Well, isn't she having the y/n cleanse. I go to her contact on iMessage and try to call her. It goes straight to voicemail. She blocked me on everything.

I throw my phone to the ground and shove my face in my mascara stained pillow, letting out a scream.

I can't handle it. My heart hurts so bad. What if I die? This level of pain can't be healthy.

I had it all. Just days ago I had it all. Yesterday, maybe if I controlled myself and didn't kiss her in the gym. If we were more careful. Maybe she would still want something to do with me.

This is why she never asked me to be her girlfriend. She wasn't serious about me. Not like I was her. I know in my head it sounds crazy because what we had lasted little over a month, but I do think I loved her. Still love her. That's why this hurts so bad.

I wanted to tell her so many times. It almost slipped out every time we had sex. Good thing I didn't tell her. I might have lost her sooner.

I hold the stuffed hippo as I finally cry myself to sleep. I'm too exhausted to keep feeling like this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Knock knock knock

I'm torn from sleep by knocking at my door. Is it Paige? Is the first thing that comes to my delusional mind.

I roll out of bed and open the door to see my mom.

"Hi honey," she says gently. She knows what dad did.

"Dinner is ready," she says with the same gentle tone.

"Not hungry," I say dryly and try to shut the door but she stops me.

"Did you go to your classes today?"

"No. Didn't go to PT either," I say before shutting my door, successfully this time.

I go back to my bed and sit, pulling my hippo on my lap as I think.

My whole life for the past month has revolved around Paige. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it now. Without PT, I don't have a job and without Paige I don't know what I'm supposed to do in my free time either. What did I used to do before her? Hobbies? I don't want to do those anymore. I can't imagine baking without her. And I definitely can't go to games anymore.

I curl back up in my bed and pray for sleep to overtake me again.

After a long hot shower, I go straight back to bed. The thought of going to class tomorrow fills me with dread. I decide not to set my alarm. I've had great attendance all year. I can afford to miss tomorrow.

I fell asleep easy tonight. Emotional distress really wears you out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day I do absolutely nothing. I only leave my room to use the bathroom. I just don't have the energy or motivation to do anything.

I laid in bed. I sat by my window and watched the birds outside. And I thought. I thought so so much. My heart still ached from yesterday. I know it's only the second day, but I feel that I'll never get over this.

My parents left me alone thankfully. Except for dinner. My mom knocked on my door, asking me to come down and eat, but I told her no. She ended up bringing a plate to my room which was nice. I ate some of it. I had to make myself. I've honestly not had much of an appetite.

This feels like one of those movies where you have a wish and a fairy or genie makes it come true, but then you mess up and you get it all taken away.

Paige's pov

The look in her eyes when I did it. When I said all those horrible things I didn't mean. Like I broke her heart. Like I destroyed her. If only she knew it hurt me just as bad. But I had to do it. It was the only way. I can't just give up my life for a girl. Even if she's special and not just a girl. Even if she's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

In the moments before I had to break up with her, I almost hoped she didn't care about me. So I wouldn't hurt her. But no, she really cared about me. It's killing me.

Since it happened, I've been trying to get my head back in the game, but I can't. It's like I carry this weight on my shoulders that doesn't go away. The image of her face when I told her I didn't want her never goes away. The weak sound of her desperate voice begging, "Please don't do this" never goes away. And when she made me say I didn't want her. It was pure torture. Why would she do that to me? So many times during our conversation I almost caved and I thought that was going to be it. But I had to be strong. I did it and there's no going back now.

For the past few days I've went through the motions of life. I try my best to smile and crack jokes with my friends. I've never just went through the motions and I've never had to try to have fun with my friends, but all I can think about is her. If she's okay and what she's doing. The thought of her crying alone in her room keeps me up at night. I haven't seen her at PT. I guess her dad made her quit. That's another thing. I can't stand to be around coach. It's not convenient seeing as he is literally my coach. I have to see him almost every day. I have to talk to him almost every day. But I keep it short and business like. I only talk to him when absolutely necessary.

My friends have noticed I've been acting different. I just shrug it off and they leave me alone. I did tell Azzi though. I had to tell somebody. I hope y/n has someone to talk to.