Into The Wild Blue

Juxtaposed

Big Pine Lake, New Jersey

"DADDY GET OFF"

Austin groaned and rolled onto his better side, reaching for Benny who was pushing to get on the bed.

"Ben Ben, Daddy's stomach hurts today,"

You scooped Ben up into your arms before he could get to Austin and kissed his cheek.

"We're gonna let daddy rest," you tell him

"No!"

"Little Cowboy" Loretta chided from the door

"Here darlin' give him to me, I'll take him outside to play so you can get Cowboy washed up,"

Loretta took Benny from your arms who squirmed with a huff, reaching back for Austin.

"DADDY I HELP"

Austin pressed his face into the pillow with a pained grunt, waving his hand dismissively.

"I'm gonna throw up" he muttered into the fabric

"Ok, baby, I'll get the pan"

You grazed his sweaty hair back before walking to the bathroom to get it, taking a minute to pause with an outward breath.

Austin was detoxing from his pain medication, and trying to switch over to non-opioid pain relief has been tough on him.

He wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and you have to resist the urge to touch him because he doesn't want to be touched. He feels as if he's coming out of his skin, and you didn't realize that only a couple of months on opiates would do this to him.

He was weak, and the physiotherapy you had him doing was making him feel even sicker, but he had to do it to get his function back immediately.

So not only was he withdrawing from the meds, he had to force himself to push hard with his healing leg, and the situation together was making him mercurial and contemptuous.

"Baby, hurry" he pleaded in a rasp from the bedroom

You shook yourself out of a daze and jogged to his bedside, holding the pan in front of him.

"I'm here," you whispered, caressing his hair

"I'm here, my love,"

Austin groaned insufferably, gasping with his head slanted over the bed.

"It's okay, sweetheart," you raked your fingers at his hairline and watched him swallow, moaning in distress.

"I know, I know,"

He closed his eyes and grasped the nightstand, letting another stuttered pant out before hurling into the pan, spitting.

His wretched moans made your heart contract with pain.

Another heave

Tonight's dinner.

"It's okay," you whispered again, kissing his temple.

"I hate this," he whined

"I hate everything right now, I hate my life, I hate this fucking bed-" his words were slurred with bitterness and agony

"I know baby," you pushed his hair back and held the nape of his neck, waiting.

"Try again, get it out,"

Austin shook his head with a hard swallow

"No more?"

"Don't think so," he answered