Over And Over. A.

thoughts.

The young man saw him for the first time.. his whole world stopped, his mind raced in thoughts.

Commander Phillip Graves.

It been three months since the first time he saw him, and yet his mind couldn't stop thinking about that fucker.

Hellen would never, not even close. To fall in love. Especially not with that man. But he can't help it at all.

He kept telling himself: just a simple crush, just a simple crush, just a simple crush.

Please.

But its not a simple crush, what a simple crush and he wish to be in his arms every night? How it is a simple crush and he dreams about him every night?

Why it is a simple crush and he already planned for their future?

He can't sleep well, every time.. no. Just the thought of Graves, he will tear up, the love was making him weak..

Weak.

The young man sat down in his bed, the sounds of the bird filled the room, his body curled down his bed, his emerald eyes dried out in tears.

3:00 am

He couldn't sleep, not anymore.

He couldn't eat.

He couldn't feel.

He was empty, he sees all black and white, he can't think properly. It's been always that way.

The voices in his head kept getting worse, his mind floating in voices didnt belong to him.

Every time he falls in love, he gets weaker and weaker.

How weak is he?

Falling in love with the Commander in every second? Minute? hour? and days.. weeks, months..

His dark hair falls on his pretty face, covering his beauty.. his emerald eyes.. he hugged himself tightly.

His heartbeat raced each other, thinking of that commander.. how his touch will be..

His rough hands on Hellen's soft body?

His violence kisses on Hellen sweet lips?

Those blue ocean eyes staring right onto Hellen's innocent eyes?

His thoughts gets worse, his mind hurting that badly.. or was his heart?

But the only question..

Did the Commander himself love hellen?

The thoughts of hellen's kept say no. But this isn't fair. Hellen loved Graves so badly.. why Graves can't love him back?

Was is because his look? His body? His overthinking? Or his bad reputation?

Or because he was a boy?

But what if..

Oh so many questions.

Hellen found himself in a circle of denial, the thoughs were hurting him, these questions made him sick of himself.

Sick of everything.

Even Graves.

The thought of Graves was hurting him so much it made him sick, the thought of Graves existing made him want to end it right now. Right here.

He hated him so much, he hated that he love him so much. Aegon hated that..

Everything was fucked up.

He shifted in his bed, his free hand traveled down his flat stomach, running his fingers through it.

What if Graves touched me like that..

Everything was about on Phillip fucking Graves.