12 Steps to Not Fall in Love on Wattpad

STEP 9

July 24th, 2023:

Don't torture yourself by staring at cute couples while you're suffering from "living in different countries" syndrome. Distance can be a bitch.

Hi there, diary!

Well, I know you want updates after the last entry so here it goes:

Our relationship is blooming and it's so fucking beautiful, but I underestimated how hard long distance could be.

There are times when I feel like the happiest woman alive but there are also times when I feel more lonely than if I was by my own in an apocalyptic world.

Dramatic, I know. But bear with me.

Emotionally speaking, she's with me even when we're not talking, but physically? Yeah.

Physically, it's like I'm missing something, and when I try to picture us together, cuddling and kissing and hugging and just staring at each other...

Oof, sorry. Someone's squeezing my heart in this exact moment and I can't think straight- oh wait! Never mind, it's just Distance doing its daily visit.

At this point, might as well get used to it.

Most people are afraid of long-distance relationships cause they fear their partner won't be loyal or that eventually their love will die due to lack of physical contact. You also know that there won't be enough time to spend together, like quality time, which can add to the pile of concerns that may cause fights ugly enough to lead to a break-up.

For me tho, the most difficult part of an LDR is being so far away you can't just be in their arms when your world is falling apart.

Not being able to hug her whenever bad thoughts crawl under my skin and fill me with insecurities; whenever I have a fight with my mom or am feeling so low that I don't wanna do anything else but lay on my bed and only exist, makes online dating a real test of endurance.

The days I miss her so fucking much that I have to take a deep breath twice before cursing the universe for putting us in different countries are the worst.

I wanna be able to hide my face in her neck and get her smell all over my clothes.

My body aches for her, like, 24/7. She shows up even in my dreams!

A few weeks ago, I was at the mall and saw this cute couple. The girls were hugging and kissing, being goofy around each other without a care in the world, and it made me jealous.

I mean, I was happy for them cause of course I want more gay couples to express their love in public like we see straight couples doing everyday but, at the same time, I was so jealous. I never wanted my girlfriend by my side more than in that moment.

I wanted that to be us. I wanted to take her to the movies or go to the mall and kiss her, spoil her, and do "couple things" together.

How is it possible to miss someone when you haven't met them in person yet? You didn't get to touch them. You don't know how their skin feels, the smell of their body wash or their natural scent, how long until their eyes can take your breath away, and how soft their lips are.

You don't know the little details that make you miss someone's presence, but still, you miss them. So. Fucking. Much.

I wrote a text before meeting her and it's not a poem cause I'm not a poet, but it's based on a dream I had a few years ago.

In that dream, I saw someone who wasn't a man or a woman, it was more like a presence. A presence so intense and soothing and beautiful that when I woke up I wanted to cry.

I thought to myself "I met my soulmate. I met the person I've been looking for and I miss them. I miss them so much my heart aches." so I wrote an open letter to that person that kinda sounds like a poem?

I'm too much of a chicken to call that a poem cause I'm not good at it, but yeah, it's a cute and interesting letter to someone I haven't met at the time but now I'm pretty sure who it is.

And maybe - just maybe - I'll share it with you.

But the thing is, I instantly knew who that person was as soon as I woke up, and now I'm having the same reaction whenever I think of her.

I can't wait for the day I'll be able to hug her and look at her face without any screen between us. Calling, texting and gifting are cool. We're constantly taking a step further in our relationship and trying out new things to make us feel closer, and I love every single minute of it.

But the moment I get to wrap my arms around her?

That will be the best day of my life.

Song of the day:

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Now Playing [ So Far Away ]
0:26 ---♡--- 3:46
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