Fat Girl Problems

Fat Girl Problem 21: Christmas Eve

I sat on my couch, wrapped up with blankets like a caterpillar in its chrysalis. It was freezing and I had no idea how to turn on the fireplace. My dad and brother weren't here either, so I was stuck here freezing alone on Christmas Eve.

A week had past since I broke down at the mall. I was kind of embarrassed that I expressed such a weakness around all of them, especially Connor. Thea called me though and made sure I was alright. I agreed because I was. I honestly was after crying my heart out. My life had always revolved around my size. I just had to suck it up, even though it wasn't fair.

Brad had also called me the next day. He apologized for being a jerk and I accepted. Obviously it still hurt that he would laugh at me, but there wasn't much I could say. He took the time to apologize, so I must forgive.

That left Connor. He hadn't called me or visited since I cried in his arms. A part of me feared I scared him away, but I remembered his words. He said I was perfect. Those words actually touch me now, even though they didn't the day of. However, I had a feeling he only said that to make me feel better. That was why I tried to ignore the fluttering of my heart when I thought about those words.

Suddenly, I heard the doorbell ring. Groaning, I got up and shivered as the cold air hit me. Clenching my teeth, I walked to the door.

I was surprised by who I saw at the door, even though I should of been used to it. It was Connor, wearing a light gray coat and black skinny jeans. He looked perfectly fine despite the freezing cold air surrounding us.

"Come in," I said without any greeting.

I had a feeling Connor wanted to talk or even just hang out here. It reminded me of Thanksgiving. Actually, it seemed like he only stayed over during holidays. That was strange.

I led Connor to the living room, the room I was just in. Thankfully it was clean. There was just my disheveled blankets on a couch. Without a word, I re-wrapped them around me.

Once Connor sat on the separate couch, I asked, "What's up?"

"Nothing. Can I spend Christmas Eve with you?" he responded.

"Sure."

We didn't say anything after that. I just tried to keep myself warm by pulling my knees closer to myself. Sadly, that didn't really help. I didn't know how Connor was totally fine. He was just staring at our family pictures on the wall.

After a few minutes, he asked awkwardly, "Do you want to work on your confidence?"

I shook my head instantly. I really didn't. After my break down, I realized a few disappointing things.

"No," I said. "I'm tired of going in circles. I'm tired of building myself up just to get torn down."

I pulled my knees closer to myself and hugged them. Suddenly I felt a lot colder.

Connor's eyes softened though. "Quinn, you shouldn't let those people get to you."

"I know," I grumbled. "I just can't help it."

Connor sighed softly. He then stood up and walked to the fireplace. I watched him turn it on with ease, making me feel stupid.

"It's cold," he mumbled, walking to where I sat.

I smiled appreciatively at him as he sat next to me, leaving some space between us. The warmth coming out of the fireplace was welcoming. Not as welcoming as the warmth radiating off of him though. Now I understood why the cold didn't bother him.

"Do you have a Christmas tree?" he suddenly asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "It's in the basement."