Less Than Lovers | LisRene AU

8

"Irene, stop. You know that you're more than that to me. Tell me what happened today."

Irene choked back her sob and then glared.

"She knows, Lisa. She knows!"

Fuck.

Lisa swayed in place, feeling her legs buckle a little. She sat on the coffee table. The Christmas lights were on the shelf next to her, mocking her.

"But...we haven't done anything," she said, her voice suddenly losing itself. "We've been so careful. We've barely done anything."

Irene took a deep breath, seemingly trying to collect herself. She leaned forward, bracing her hands on the back of the couch, still keeping the distance between them.

"People gossip, Lisa," she said, condescension in her tone. "Other people at the clinic, not just Nurse Klaus, have been talking about us. Apparently, someone saw me leave your house. Someone else saw us have coffee. And someone else saw you leave my place a couple of weeks ago. You shouldn't have fucking come here, Lisa."

"That...doesn't prove anything, Irene." Lisa didn't believe herself, it was pretty bad.

Irene ignored her. "Dr. Cochrane said it was an accident – she 'accidentally' walked in on our appointment. But I know she did it on purpose. She probably wanted to see for herself. I saw her looking at my schedule earlier this week...."

"Irene, we weren't doing anything," she repeated.

"I know that! I told her we were just friends. She knows that she can't prove it. She said she won't report me to the College, but she's withdrawing her reference for a residency I've applied for. I was in the final block of interviewees. I was positive I was going to get it. I was this close to getting out of there and finally being a surgeon. I was so close, Lisa!"

Irene finally let the sob that she was holding back escape. She hunched over, resting her forearms on the couch, her head in her hands.

Lisa had never felt more hopeless and guilty. She'd barely done anything with Irene but it had been too much.

She'd done too much. A little was too much. She knew this all along but didn't care. She fucked up. Fuck. She always fucked up.

But the thought of losing Irene in more ways than one gutted her the most.

"You've applied for a residency? Where are you going?"

Irene picked her head off her hands and glared. "Seriously, Lisa?"

Lisa deflated, wanting to press Irene but she knew it would just piss her off more. "Fine. What else did she say?"

"She said I'm a great doctor, a great surgeon, but she doesn't trust my judgment. Fuck. Fuck," Irene said, through gritted teeth. "Fuck." She squeezed her eyes shut, stopping tears from falling. "I've fucked up."

"Irene, it'll be fine..." Lisa didn't quite believe it herself. "Look, we didn't do anything. You said Dr. Cochrane won't report you. I won't say anything. We have one more appointment left, this is almost over anyway. It's okay!"

"It's not okay! I have zero self-control around you. This cannot happen again. I can't do this. It's unethical. Eight years of my life for nothing..." Irene stood up and walked around the couch, sitting in front of Lisa.

"Irene, just relax," Lisa said, placing her hands on Irene's shoulders, squeezing. Irene flinched away.

"Relax? Lisa, I could lose my license. I could lose everything. I can't jeopardize my career, not for this." Irene looked Lisa in the eyes. Lisa felt herself wither as the words left her mouth. "Not for you."