A Song of War

four

That scary look flashed across Conrad's face. I reached up, letting my fingers touch his cheek. His gaze immediately softened when they landed on me. Slowly, he raised my hand, letting it touch his forehead. It was a gesture that I was familiar with. It was Conrad's sign language telling me he was with me. That he was still protecting me.

A knight giving allegiance to his King.

He walked out of the room, still glaring at mama when he left.

I smiled up at her, but her features had broken the moment Conrad was gone.

"Ares," her words are choked out, tears already forming.

"I'm okay mama," the lie came easily. I was just so happy to see her.

She shook her head, "You're not." 

She walked around the bed, taking Conrad's empty seat.

"Who was that boy?" she asked.

"He's my friend. His family comes to see me." I felt an overwhelming urge to take back my words. Conrad was somehow more than my friend. He was my guardian. My protector. My dragon. All these things. The people who stood beside me during battle. I wanted to tell mama, but I couldn't describe the feelings.

"I'm glad you have a friend, baby," mama smiled at me, taking my hand and holding it.

We sat there in silence, each watching the other. Mama was the prettiest woman I knew. None of the other nurses or doctors could beat her. I guiltily thought that even Rose didn't beat mama.

"I have some news," mama said. I listened to her as she continued, "this treatment isn't working baby. Your doctors don't see you getting better. Dr. Gillard recommended that we try a treatment in Germany. You'll be closer to me there also. I wanted the best for you, but they said this isn't the best place for you."

"I'm going somewhere?" I asked.

Mama nodded, "we need to leave soon. Otherwise you won't be well enough to travel. That's why I'm here. I'll be with you and we'll go together. I'll be able to see you more if you're in Germany. I'll come everyday baby, I promise." Mama's tears were back as she grabbed the sides of her chair.

"I'm so sorry, Ares. I'm so sorry that mama hasn't been here for you."

I hated when mama cried. It means I didn't do a good enough job hiding my pain. That mama was able to see it and feel it. I didn't know what words to say to make her feel better.

"I'll go. Let's go," I whispered. Pain flared in my chest at the thought of leaving my dragon behind. But I loved mama so much. I loved her and wanted to make her tears go away.

I wasn't sure how far away Germany was. I wondered if Conrad would be able to visit me there.

Mama's tears slowed down at my words, relief filling her face. I was tired, and was having trouble keeping my eyes open.

I fell asleep before mama was able to say anything else.

*       *       *

Voices woke me up. Soft and rapid fired whispers.

Angry whispers. Whispers that I recognized.

"You think you have any right to come in here and take her away like this? To take her away from m- us."

It was Conrad's voice. Right after his, I heard mama.

"How dare you. How dare you think you have any say in what is best for my daughter."

"The daughter you fucking left here to die?"

My eyelids were heavy. I wanted to open them, but knew this sensation. In another few minutes or so I would be back to sleep. Maybe this was just a dream.

"I have to work! I have to work to make sure she can get the best treatment-"

"Don't you fucking lie to me. I know your net worth! I've seen you in the fucking news tramping around partying, ignoring your daughter, not calling, not visiting. You can make yourself believe your own lies, but I've been here every-fucking-day and I've watched her through this shit."

There is a long silence. I hear mama crying and for the first time ever, I feel anger towards my dragon. He was doing his job of protecting me, but I didn't like that in his duty, he was hurting mama.

"Conrad."

I hear Dracos' voice. I wondered if Rose was also in the room. Draco stops my thoughts though as he speaks to mama.

"What is this treatment in Germany?"

"Why the fuck are you people here? This doesn't concern you. She doesn't concern you."

"She does," Rose is here, "we love Ares. We've been with her and have looked out for her, and I consider her a daughter. We want to make sure she's okay. We've seen her in pain enough times to want her to be okay."

"She's my daughter," I don't think I've ever heard mama mad. But she's mad now.

Their voices are growing more distant. I'm having trouble listening. Sleep is coming back, taking me by the ankles and dragging me away from the conversation.

*       *       *

This time when I wake up, I'm able to open my eyes. I turn my head, not surprised to see Conrad. But I am surprised to see him asleep, with faded tear marks tracking down his cheeks.

My chest hurts from the pain I am causing to others.

As if he is able to sense my eyes, Conrad's own slowly open to take me in.

"You're going away," his voice is hoarse and cracked. I know it is from his crying.

I don't say anything as he takes my hand and shows his loyalty to me. He presses it to his forehead, a deep breath leaving him.

"You're leaving me," he whispers.

"I'm sorry," I don't know what else to say. I wish he could come with me. I wish he could fly with me there, and continue to breathe fire at anyone who may hurt me.

"Don't be sorry," he mumbles, "I'll still do my best to be with you. I'll write every day. I'll try to find a number and talk to you. We'll facetime. Anything. And when you get better, I'll come for you, and take you back."

My whole body relaxes, the pain somehow washing away from his words. My knight was still fighting for me.

"I'll be back," I promise. He looks up, a smile lighting his face. He knew I didn't like promises. He knew I wasn't one to make them. But my words are a promise, a thought for the future as it creates an image of what can be.

I may break my promise, but the fact that I made it, meant that I would do my best to keep it.

"I'll be waiting."

We shared a connection at that moment. Years to come, looking back at the event, I still was able to recognize the sensation of what it felt like when two souls become one.