If I Fall (GirlXGirl)

Chp. 25

Nothing but strangers.

She took in a deep breath, "Bree... I don't know where to start. It's just been so long and I shouldn't have waited but-"

"Let's start with why," I interrupted, realizing the last thing I wanted was for her to beat around the bush. I was here for closure, not recollection, and establishing that was absolutely necessary.

I didn't need to elaborate, she understood, and I could see pain in those olive-colored eyes. She knew I wasn't here to rekindle whatever we had before; I was here to extinguish it.

She played with her hands, "I don't really know how to answer that..."

"Well try," I demanded, realizing I wasn't leaving until she did so. I deserved this, she knew that, and I'd be damned if she was going to try and take that away from me. She had taken away enough.

"Back then I was lonely, Bree. You were a hundred miles away, I couldn't see you, and he was there for me whenever you weren't... things just happened. I never meant to hurt you-"

"You meant to hurt me, don't give me that bullshit, Ashley," I intruded once more, realizing she was still kind of full of shit. She was rendered speechless then, allowing me to finally get things off of my chest. The things I had been dying to let out for over three years.

"Here's the thing, Ashley. I know things happen, I understand people fall in and out of love and things change with time, but what you did to me... it's unforgiveable. At least for now. I was supposed to be your best friend. I was supposed to be more than just your girlfriend. You lied, consistently for months behind my back on purpose, so don't sit here and try to make yourself look like the victim."

I watched her eye twitch, knowing my tone wasn't the most pleasant. I didn't care though, I realized I was still pissed over everything, and that was evident. I waited for a decent response this time.

She sighed, "How was I supposed to tell you when you were in New York? How was I supposed to tell you when I knew I would never see you again if I did that?"

I felt my jaw clench in response, realizing that had been the reason she didn't tell me. She had lied to me for selfish reasons, keeping the truth hidden because she couldn't lose me. It wasn't because she was scared to hurt me; it was because she wanted the best of both worlds, and that fucking stung.

I leaned forward, "You reason was selfish, and you and I both know that. I lost all respect for you, Ashley, because you were the one I respected most. You fucked me, and you fucked everything we ever had the day you decided to start lying to me. I was killing myself trying to make us work all while you were fucking someone else behind my back. Are you joking? Was that all I ever was to you? A fucking phase or something? You're supposed to fight for things you love, and that's what I did, relentlessly. All you did was fucking run."

Her eyes were wide, and I didn't care if people were looking. I was hurt, completely torn in half just like I had been three years ago when I had seen the truth. I was drowning; I was breaking down and building myself back up all at the same time. Who had I really been in love with? Because the girl in front of me was nothing like I had thought she was.

I had fucked up, bad, and it had destroyed me.

I realized I had gotten my answer, and it hadn't even taken ten minutes. Ashley was someone I didn't know anymore, and maybe I had never known her, but the closure was there. I would need time to repair but I would survive. I would be okay, but I couldn't stare at the sandy-haired girl I used to be in love with anymore.

Just the sight of her made me sick now.

I stood suddenly, grabbing my things as I looked at her, "Thank you for finally showing me who you really are."