Without The Words

Chapter 35

A/N: pretty please don't forget to comment & vote, it helps me out a lot :')

"Mr. Lee," I whispered quietly into the classroom window, my breath leaving a blurry fog against the cold glass. The action before me was silent- tiny little snowflakes delicately falling from the white sky. They danced and twirled in the air, being gently guided by the gusts of wind that shook the trees.

"Yes?" He whispered back, both of us continuing to stare out into the scenery.

"It's only the beginning of November," I said sadly.

He nodded slowly, his eyes absorbing the scenery, his large hands connecting tightly together.

"Does this mean-"

"No more cross country?" He interrupted, finishing my sentence.

I awkwardly nodded, but realizing that he didn't see me, I muttered, "yeah."

"We can't hold meets in the indoor track, so technically yes." He replied, and a wave of silence fell over the both of us.

"When does track start?" I asked a few minutes later, breaking the silence.

"April."

"So six months without seeing you after school," I clarified.

He nodded his head slowly, and that was how the next month went.

It was as if cross country was our only string of hope. A forbidden and dirty way of caging our deepest desires.

I stopped coming to his classroom after lunch, and understandably he stopped glancing at me with those piercing blue eyes. Somehow, we just stopped.

My social anxiety had engulfed me, however. A single word hadn't escaped my mouth since Halloween.

I was too afraid to visit his classroom for the fear of having an awkward conversation. The end of cross country signaled the end, and I was not ready for that at all.

I wanted him with every shred of myself. On that night of Halloween, it was as if everything was suddenly getting better. I had talked to a waitress, and at the same time felt okay with it. But now?

I could hardly look at anyone, including my father. Ever since cross country ended, a barrier had been placed between the two of us. It was an invisible wall, an unreachable line that presented only the cons of being together.

Nothing good could come out of it in the end, right? Sure, he broke me halfway out of the wall that I had built around myself, but it was similar to drugs. I would just keep going back to my comfort zone- to not responding to anybody and feeling that my mother was mad at me for accidentally killing her. It was the easy way out. No hormone rages or sexual fantasies. All I had to simply do was stop seeing him. That way, my feelings would die out and shrivel into a void of nothing.

We both broke the law. I was a good girl and he was a good man. It wasn't bound to happen, but it did, and now I was trying to shovel myself out of the mess that I had so foolishly created.

A conclusion of all that had happened since Halloween would be that my heart was half cured. The half that Mr. Lee had mended was smaller, but held encouraging thoughts to look at the brighter side of life, while the other outweighed just about everything Mr. Lee had told me. My social anxiety was a never-ending cycle.

It was the day of the banquet- a late, winter night in December where the moon was innocently sitting in the sky, casting a glow on everything below it. Snowflakes littered the world in tiny, cold clumps.

I walked in sync with my father, his arm wrapped around my figure in order to create warmth.

I was wearing a violet, flowing shirt with spaghetti straps that left a tiny sliver of my stomach showing. I had covered that said sliver of my stomach with a black skater skirt, which touched a few inches above my knees.