It burns within them

16.

Astrella

I cried in his chest again, like a baby I cried. It's been a few minutes, he still has his hand holding on to the back of my head tightly whilst I feel his fingers softly thread through my hair. He didn't say anything when I cried and I'm grateful for it, I'm not ready to explain why to him.

I carefully begin to move my head back whilst wiping vigorously at my tears. His hand lets go of the back of my head whilst my arms unwind from his waist. He stares at me cautiously but softly, not knowing whether to speak or stay silent.

"I'm sorry." I mutter, the alcohol still causing my words to come about a bit slower than usual.

He looks at me in confusion, "For what?"

I don't say anything and instead point to his shirt which is now filled with wet marks from my tears.

He chuckles at me, "It's fine Astrella don't worry about them."

I nod my head.

He continues to stare at me in curiosity. I wonder what goes through his head when he sees me, what made him want to be my friend, he could have anyone but he chose me.

He begins to stand slowly from the roof, he looks down at me and takes out his hand for me to hold. I look at him in confusion with a slightly tilted head.

"Come on, we're leaving this party and we are going to buy food, let's sober you up." his hair is flying in different directions right now because of the wind, and I don't know if it's the alcohol or me but I laugh whilst staring at him.

He frowns. "Your hair, you look like a total madman," I say whilst slowly grabbing his hand to help me get up.

He sheepishly smiles at me and shakes his head whilst pulling me back through the window. The music is much louder now that we are not outside. I pull my hood up and look at the ground whilst walking, not wanting people to see me as I am sure my tear marks are still visible.

As soon as we make it through the crowd of bustling, he let's go of my hand, it's not until we pass a certain car.

"Is that not your car?" I question, still in a daze.

"Yeah, yes it is but I will come collect it tomorrow." he waves off like it's not a big deal.

"What- tomorrow but that's your car- I mean wouldn't you want to drive in it, instead of buying me food. I mean why are you going to leave it here? You can go home and I can just wal-" I ramble on.

His soft chuckles snap me out of it.

He grabs my arm, I withhold a wince, but he doesn't notice.

"Nope we are walking," he says with a small smile. "Anyway what do you want to eat."

"You know I'm really not that hung-" I begin to say.

"Nope, not having that I told you we're going to get some food together okay," he says firmly. "You're eating, so I will ask again, what do you want."

I begin kicking rocks against the pavement, and mumble incoherent words under my breath.

"What was that I didn't hear you." he say's with narrowed eyes.

"You're a dick and I want a cheeseburger." I mumble so quietly.

"Sorry I still can't hear you, you know you're going to have to speak u-"

"I said, you're a dick," I emphasise whilst stopping on the sidewalk, "And that I want a cheeseburger."

"See wasn't that hard, was it," he says like I'm a ten year old, "But calling me a dick not true."

"I hope you know you're paying, I didn't bring money with me and just because I'm hungry you have to pay." I say with a shrug of my shoulders.

He begins to laugh softly over the wind.

We have been walking for a few minutes whilst talking about random things.

"What do you mean you don't like ice cream," I say with wide eyes, "That's impossible who doesn't like ice cream."

He looks at me with a small smile and a shrug of his shoulders, "It's just not something I enjoy."

I pause in my footsteps and look at him like he has twelve heads, who doesn't like Ice-cream? The alcohol is still in my system so it makes sense why I am acting like a little kid in a sort of way.

It feels nice.

"Well. I- just enjoy it then. It's ice cream you weirdo." I whisper shout.

"I'm well aware it's ice cream. And once again, I don't enjoy it."

Asshole.

It's not until we pass my favourite burger place I frown, and pause in my steps whilst tucking my black hair behind my ear.

"Why are you still walking," I say. "This is the best burger place in town."

He begins to frown, "Sorry, I think you forget that I'm new, and have no clue about anything in this town." He says whilst crossing his arms and leaning against a wall.

I roll my eyes and tell him my order for him to go get me my cheeseburger. I'm really hungry and this alcohol in my system is doing nothing to help.

I didn't have a reason to drink tonight besides the fact my parents mentioning therapy, but it's like every time something bad happens to me I drink, or I cut. Yes I know it's bad, really bad to be fair, but it helps it makes everything silent.

On the roof tonight I don't know what came over me when I cried, but seeing those thousands of mini stars littler the sky whilst I was intoxicated, just made a pressure in my chest and I wasn't ready for it.

I slowly look behind me to see Xavier still waiting for the food. I cautiously roll my hoodie sleeves up and gently run my fingers over the scars that cover my freckles. Once the arm the Lily used to obsess over as she believed my freckles where mini star constellations. But on my arms are now the same arms that are filled with red bumps and lumps. They are to hard to look at, I slowly roll down my black sleeve and It's not until I feel a tear drop gently down my cheek, that I realise I'm crying again.

Why am I so emotional tonight?

I quickly wipe my tear when I hear the door behind me opening, signalling that someone is leaving.

I must have not been quick enough, as Xavier narrows his eyes at me like he has caught me in the act once again. If he wants to question me, he doesn't, he just gives me a soft encouraging smile.

We begin walking whilst Xavier holds the bag filled with my cheeseburger, I look at him confusion.

"Where are we going?", I say. "I'm hungry and your holding the bag filled with food." I say rather bluntly.

He raises an eyebrow at me whilst he shakes his black hair that falls over his forehead, "Well I thought after the night you had, you could do with eating somewhere your comfortable."

"Yeah and where's that." I question incredulously.

He looks at me and states simply, "the ocean."

I try to hide my shock but it must have failed as he glances at me, "How do you know I am comfortable at the ocean?"

"The way you gazed at it last time told me all I needed to know." He says. "And it's abit hard not too." he teases.

"That's not possible, there is no way you could tell I was comfortable by a look in my eye." I say in disbelief whilst shaking my head.

"What, you don't believe eyes hold messages?" he questions in curiosity, "I believe that once you look into someone's eyes, even if it's just once, you will get a story in just one tiny glimpse." He tells me with a shrug of his shoulders.

I never viewed it that way.

It's a beautiful way to view something.

I raise an eyebrow, "Oh yeah, so what did you see when you looked in mine." I question out of curiosity.

He glances at me with hesitation swirling in his eyes, and Carry's on looking forward until I hear him say.

"Pain, All I saw was pain."