The cruel queen

We wont talk about it ever again

Tw mentioning of rape
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When I woke up Cardan wasn't next to me anymore i stepped out of bed and walked to bathroom where I took a shower. When I'm done i see that Cardan is sitting on the bed. 'Hello my sweet nemesis' he says 'hi my love' i say there's an awkward tension between us 'so wanna talk about why you murdered your brother?' I ask 'no i don't actually' 'cmon Cardan you can tell me it can't be that bad' he stays silent 'stop scaring me how bad could it possibly be.' I started to feel uneasy Cardan normally tells me everything 'Jude what do you wanna eat?' He says ignoring my question 'cardan!' I say mad 'Jude how long do you think you were in the sea' 'a week or something.' i say wondering what it has to do with my question 'you've been there for a month you were unconscious for 3 weeks' Cardan says

'So what? That's not an answer to my question. You are avoiding my question Cardan.' I say irritated 'I don't want to tell you Jude and you wouldn't want to hear it either!' I flinch since Cardan normally doesn't yell 'I'm sorry' he tries to hug me but i step away. 'I want to know it did you it for me?' 'Yes i did it for you and that's all you need to know now stop talking about it jude.'  Cardan says with a sighs he is clearly getting irritated but so am i 'No if its about me i have the right to know what it is about.' I say desperately i can see anger in Cardans eyes 'you wanna know?!' He says mad 'yes.' I feel the earth under me rumble a little because of cardans anger its part of being king you get to control the land which means when his mad the land will also shake with anger. 'You were raped Jude by my brother' cardan says while avoiding eye contact

'W-what.' I feel myself shaking i know this wasn't a joke. If it was a joke it wouldn't be funny. Cardan tries to walk towards me but every step he takes towards me every step i take back until i hit the wall. 'Jude please.' He tries to get closer but i pull out my knife 'please Cardan don't come closer.' And he doesn't 'I didn't know until yesterday that's why i killed him. You shouldn't have to go through this that's why i didn't want to tell you.' Cardan says 'he touched me Cardan. He saw what isn't for him to see.' I say my eyes filled with tears while I'm still processing all the information 'i know.' Cardan says calmly 'did orlagh stop him?' I ask even though i fear that I know the answer 'no she didn't' Cardan says my legs feel like jelly and i sink to the ground

I just sat on the ground crying Cardan didn't come closer he just sat on the ground with a safe distance 'i want everyone who knows of this punished.' I say 'i know and i will make sure that happens' cardan slowly comes closer and i let him he sits next to me we just sit in silent for a few minutes 'can i hug you?' Cardan asks i want him to but every touch right now will make me think that it's balekin 'I'm sorry' i just say 'hey it's okay take your time. I will get you some tea.' He says while he walks away when I don't see him anymore i just cry and cry and cry when he comes back he sets the food next to me 'Cardan do you know if I'm' i don't finish my sentence i don't want to know but i need to know 'am I pregnant?' 'Shit i didn't even think about that.' Cardan says 'go get ready we're going to the mortal world' he says while he walks out

I take a bath and when I'm done I put my hair in 2 horns and walk towards the throne room where Cardan is sitting when he sees me he stands up and walks towards the stables 'we're going to a hospital there to make sure you're not pregnant' he says 'why don't you just get a faerie to do that' 'because you're mortal Jude i think that mortals know how your body works better than faeries.' He wasn't wrong faeries dont become sick like mortals when i was sick once they thought i was going to die even tho i knew that i just got a cold so he was right and faeries don't get pregnant fast. We rode our horses and went to a hospital and they checked me 'so we have your test result and your not pregnant ma'am' one of the doctors said i was quite relieved to hear the news and i saw that Cardan also relaxed

When we got on our horses we started to ride back to elfhame 'hey cardan what would you have done if I was pregnant.' I Blurt out 'hmmm i would do whatever you want me to do' he says he looks at me and i smile 'i would want a child but only if it's yours' i say to myself 'what did you say?' Cardan asks 'nothing.' 'I want you to promise me something cardan.' I say 'yea sure what is it my sweet nemesis.' He says 'Do you promise to never talk about what happened to me not even to me.' 'We won't talk about it ever again.' He says and i smile. i was glad to have found someone like Cardan when we were young we hated each other and i wanted him to stay as far away as possible but now i need him as close as possible he always tries makes sure i am save and that nothing happens to me i can't even imagine a live without him anymore.

We arrived back at the castle and i got of my horse so did Cardan he walks behind me while i walk inside i see the bomb who walks towards us 'where were you guys i was searching for you everywhere' i didn't know what to answer and i didn't want her to know 'i was riding with Jude to the mortal world.' Cardan says. it wasn't a lie since he couldn't lie but it wasn't exactly the truth either but i was glad he said it since the bomb didn't ask more questions 'well anyway queen orlagh has been captured she is in the throne room.' The bomb says 'ah- thank you i will go see her come jude' cardan says we walk the throne room in and there she sits 'Jude you may choose what you want to do with her.' Cardan says and i see orlagh look at me with fear in her eyes

'Throw her in the tower of forgetting but give her the worst room.' I say 'you can't do that what about my people!' She yells 'oh yes i think that Nicassia will be a great ruler.' I say 'guards take Orlagh to the tower of forgetting and give her the worst room possible.' Cardan says 'and send a letter to Nicassia that we wil come tomorrow to the sea and discuss some matters with her' he adds.