Phoenix Rising

074

Enling broke down, collapsing onto the floor and wailing in despair.

"So you're completely serious about this? You want to propose marriage to Han Zi-ning?" Lady Du asked, still seething with irritation. She glanced in Zi-ning's direction with disdain written all over her face.

Zi-ning was not surprised that Lady Du would prefer Yu Zixi as a daughter-in-law instead of her. Zixi was a known quantity, docile and obedient, with an excellent reputation among the noble families, while she was not only a newcomer that they hardly knew anything about, she was also the daughter of a minister and now a princess of the third rank, which meant that she would be much more difficult to control. Mother-in-laws had a tendency to like exerting their dominance over their son's wives, and Lady Du would be no different.

Not that she had any intention of actually marrying Zhenghuan and becoming Lady Du's daughter-in-law.

"How many times do I need to repeat myself before you will understand that I mean what I say?" Zhenghuan replied.

"That's enough," Zi-ning said, rising to her feet. "I believe I should have a say in this, seeing as it concerns me—and my answer is no. I do not agree to this rather sudden proposal of marriage, so there is no need to trouble anyone on this matter any further."

"Zi-ning, I—"

She dropped into a small curtsey and continued, "I am most grateful to you for coming to my aid today, General, but this should end here." She turned to Lady Du and bowed once again. "I apologise for causing this disturbance, Madam. I shall be leaving Anyang to return to the capital within the next few days and I thank you for your hospitality while I've been here."

Without waiting for anyone to respond, Zi-ning left the parlour and headed back to her own guest quarters.

#

Zhenghuan chased after Zi-ning, catching up with her by the lotus pond in front of the guest quarters. He caught hold of her arm and spun her around.

"Zi-ning, wait," he said. "I know this might have caught you by surprise, but I meant every word I said."

"So did I. Lady Du is right. Yu Zixi is a much better fit for you."

"I don't believe that you don't know how I feel, and I don't believe that you don't reciprocate those feelings in the slightest, so why won't you give me a chance? Give us a chance? I know that there are things that you're hiding, and I'm not going to force you to tell me when you're not ready, but whatever it is that you're going through, whatever it is that you're fighting against, I want to be there with you. Will you let me?"

Even he thought that he sounded pathetic right now, but he had to say it all, else he sensed that he would let her slip through his fingers again. Zi-ning was too mysterious, too elusive, like a moonbeam that he didn't trust himself to hold on too. It was almost as if she would disappear and never come back if he so much as blinked an eye.

He placed his hands on her shoulders, staring into her large, clear eyes, waiting for her to reply. This was the first time in his entire life that he had felt this much trepidation flowing through his veins. He had been through countless battles and come face to face with death so many times, but he had never been as scared as he was now. Yes, that was exactly how he felt—scared. Scared that she would say no and push him away, and he would not be able to find her again.

She looked away, and his heart sank.

"Zhenghuan, I'm not the right one for you," she said softly. "I am grateful for everything that you have done for me, but that is all there is. Gratitude. You deserve someone better."

His hands slid back down to his sides.

"Is that true? That you don't feel anything for me except gratitude?"

She nodded, still staring at the lotuses floating upon the pond's surface.

"I don't believe you," he retorted. "If that's true then look me in the eyes and say it again. I dare you to look me in the eyes and tell me that there's nothing more between us."

Zi-ning slowly turned her head, raising her gaze to meet his. "There is nothing more between us," she said. "I'm sorry if I've done anything to make you misunderstand."

Zhenghuan stumbled back. "I understand," he replied. "I am the one who should be saying sorry then, for being too presumptuous."

#

After leaving the Du manor, Zhenghuan wandered aimlessly around the city, trying to make sense of everything that had happened today. At first, he had been angry and upset, then, the anger cooled into disappointment, and the disappointment fizzled into uncertainty.

Something simply wasn't adding up.

To everyone, maybe including Zi-ning, he might have been making the proposal of marriage at a whim, making this reckless decision because he wanted to help give her a roof above her head despite her purportedly ruined reputation. Only he knew that it wasn't true. He had decided that Zi-ning was the only girl he wanted to marry a long time ago, and the reason why he had announced it so suddenly was because he was fairly confident that Zi-ning also reciprocated those feelings.

Even though she often acted as if she didn't care, as if she had a wall of ice built all around her heart, he had noticed the moments when the cracks would appear in her nonchalant façade, when he could detect her true emotions and feeling filtering through. If she truly did not care for him like she claimed, and she held nothing but gratitude towards him, then why would she have been willing to sacrifice herself to protect him from those assassins back in Zhuiya?

"She's lying," he said out loud, stopping in his tracks.

Yes, that was it. Zi-ning was lying.

Lying to him, lying to everyone, maybe even lying to herself.

The gears in his head began to turn. Zi-ning might be convinced that this was the best outcome for everyone, for her to shirk him away so that she could carry out whatever important plans she was hiding inside that opaque mind of hers, but he wasn't going to let her get away like that.

He was going to call her bluff.