The First to Fall ⚢

𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 • 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐚

The one on her right is a tiny tan baby tee with a cartoon sun smiling on the front. It's cute but not necessarily her style, from what I've seen. The other top, though, is a dainty white bralette that absolutely screams Aspen Greenwood.

"You should do that one," I say when she holds up the bralette to her chest. She looks back at me like she's struggling to find the right words to say. "Do you have a shrug or something?" I ask her while I have her attention.

"You know what a shrug is?" she asks with a sort of teasing in her tone and it becomes a lot harder to be nice to her, but I keep trying.

"Yes, I know what a shrug is. Just because I only ever wear sweaters and jeans doesn't mean I don't know fashion trends." That last part is only half true.

Aspen chuckles and looks away, tossing the baby tee back into her drawer. There's a tremor in my chest when she chooses the shirt I told her to wear, even though it's the smallest gesture. Part of me feels validated, which means a lot coming from the one person who I never thought I'd get that feeling from.

She grabs a few other things from her closet before she ventures out into the bathroom, where she always changes her clothes. Neither of us have even dared to change when the other is in the room, even though there's nothing inherently wrong about it. I just don't think that's a step we're ready take yet—if we get to that point at all. I have a feeling it's going to be a long road.

Aspen comes back into the room in her full outfit after a few minutes and I'm just brushing through my hair. She slides on some lipgloss as I finish up and we leave with Norah and Opal to start heading to the student union. Ambrose and Theo meet us there, where we get to introduce the two best friends to the other two best friends and suddenly not being friends with Aspen makes me feel incredibly out of place.

"Oh, I've totally seen you before," Norah says suddenly, pointing her finger at Theo.

"You have?" he asks as he pushes his glasses up further on his nose.

Norah nods with a smile. "You went to Saint Mueller, right? I've been to a couple of the music concerts; you're amazing at piano!"

"Oh, thank you," Theo says, scratching the back of his neck as we approach the first section of the activity fair—the STEM programs. They're fairly popular, considering there isn't much of that to offer at Barington, so the tables are crowded with people interested in robotics and chemistry and other things I hardly understand.

Opal starts to check out the Geology club, who have an array of different rocks and crystals laid out on their table with name tags for each one. Norah follows after them and Ambrose and Theo keep walking over to the astronomy club table, where a giant, tri-fold poster board is fully open on top of it, decorated with space-themed stickers and drawings. It's all so endearing, how close these groups seem to be. Maybe this is how I finally find my people.

Aspen and I are walking toward the other groups when she suddenly stops in front of the Barington Ivories, which seems to be a classical music club. She seems more than invested, asking questions and smiling brightly at the club members. They all seem to like each other so much—how do they do it?

I decide to try my hand at joining a club, or at the very least talking to new people, searching for something that I might like. A few feet away, I notice a dance club that looks like it specializes in contemporary—my favorite. I haven't danced in a couple of years but I've always loved it. Maybe this is my chance to actually be good at something Aspen isn't.

No, no. We're not thinking like that anymore. This is my chance to get back in touch with the things I used to love. That's what this is.

I march over the to dancers, excited to strike up a conversation with them, and they instantly grin at me. My worries melt away as I start talking with them about all things dance and eventually, I sign my name and contact information on their interest sheet. I'm not sure when I'll hear from them, if I do, but it's exciting to think that there's even a possibility that I might.

As I start heading back to where I left Aspen, there's a familiar face that crosses my path. And while I'm in a talkative mood, I start to speak to her without even thinking about what I want to say first.

"Hi!" I say instantly to the girl whose name I can't even remember—just her face and pigtail braids.

"Oh, hi," she says a little awkwardly, smiling politely.

"I think you're my RA," I tell her, though now I'm not so sure myself. "I live at Carissa."

"Oh, hi!" she says again with much more enthusiasm. "Hi, yeah, I think I remember you. Cara right?"

She messes up the pronunciation of my name just the slightest, but I shake it off. "Yeah, yeah, Cara," I correct her subtly. "I'm so sorry, what's your name again?"

"It's Phoebe," she smiles softly. "It's nice to meet you one on one—I don't do too well in bigger crowds."

I nod with a grin. "Are you checking out the activity fair too or...?"

"Oh, actually, I'm manning a table for my club!"

"Really? What club?"

"It's called Future Filmmakers at BU."

"Oh, it's a film club?" I ask, suddenly much more invested.

"Yeah! Are you interested in joining?"

"Well I am a film major so I would say this is right up my alley."

Phoebe chuckles and leads me a few steps over to her club's table, where there's a laptop playing short clips from different student films and an interest sheet beside it. There's also one of those tri-fold posters set up, but much more film-based than the astronomy club's board.

"We host workshops and info meetings for pretty much every position in filmmaking," one of the other club members explains to the person beside me, who I just now realize is Norah.

"Oh, hey," I greet her with a smile. "I didn't know you're interested in film?"

"Definitely! I want to write a screenplay one day so this is very important information to know."

I nod and tune back in to the seasoned members' pitch. Phoebe pretty much just stands there and looks pretty while the other guy explains everything there is to know about the club and it's all sounding so beneficial to my career as a future cinematographer. Or maybe director. I still haven't figured any of that out yet.

"Can I ask what made you guys interested in film?" Norah asks them and they smile brightly at her.

"Of course!" Phoebe says, excited to answer the question. "Personally, I got into film when I realized that the stories I wanted to see more of weren't being made, so I figured I'd make them myself."

"Oooh, what kind of stories?"

Phoebe starts to sweat a little but she continues anyway. "Um, well, I plan on creating a ten-minute short film for my senior capstone and I plan on making it focus on the fragility of young queer love."

"Oh, wow!" Norah exclaims. "That's amazing."

"Why queer specifically?" I ask, only realizing much too late how wrong the question comes out. It sounds so judgmental even though I'm simply just curious.

"Well," Phoebe starts to explain, glancing around the other tables as she leans against hers and sighs. "I grew up a bisexual Christian, which obviously didn't mix well with most people. My parents responded horribly when they found out so I ended up having to hide who I was from everyone I cared about, just to keep living under their roof."

"That's horrible," I say without thinking.

"It is," Phoebe agrees. "But I'm so much better now. I just think that topic is something that is so taboo in a lot of communities and I want to bring more awareness to how difficult it can be as a young queer person. You know?"

"Definitely," Norah answers instantly. "My mom would've killed me if she knew I was a lesbian. Thank god she's dead!"

"Oh!" Phoebe says, not too sure how to respond, and I am definitely with her on that. I don't think Norah understands social cues very well, but I don't think I have a lot of room to talk either.

"Hey guys," Aspen's voice croons out from behind us as she's joined by Opal and the guys, who all seem ready to go. "Anyone hungry?"