To All The Peter Kavinsky's I've Loved Before

chapter fourteen

Graduation is just around the corner, Peter and I haven't spoken to each other in the past two months, give or take. We've seen each other in school, but have avoided one another or at least tried to. With our two friends being together makes it kind of hard but, we make it work for them because we both love the hell out of them. A simple nod or a hey would be thrown out, but nothing more than that. 

I heard Peter had taken it a little hard after the breakup, but obviously not too hard considering shortly after he received news he got a scholarship to play in his dream school in Denver, he wanted to go to Cal Poly in California for the environment and being close to the beach he loves, he wanted to leave the snow for a bit, but I guess Denver is the better choice considering it is a D1 school for lacrosse. He's been waiting for better news after being denied at Cal Poly, to me, I think this is better, Denver has a really good educational program, and a pretty good lacrosse program too. Wherever he is, I know he will do well. 

Graduation is tomorrow, and of course there's going to be a party, and of course I'm going. It's going to be hard considering the host is none other than Greg, Mr. Art Piece's home is having this big farewell party. I can't miss it, everyone is going to be there and it's our congratulatory party. We've survived the irony of high school. Thank God. 

"Any updates yet?" Ginny asked, I looked back at her as I rummaged through my closet for the perfect pair of pants for this shirt that I'm wearing, but I really think a skirt is the great choice now that I think about it. 

Ginny rose her hands in the air and smiled, "I'm just making sure you'll be okay at the party, you know with him being there"

"It's a party, the more people there is the better. Easier to avoid someone actually." I smiled and put on a black skirt and slipped into my white sneakers, "Gross" I tell myself and put on the same jeans and replaced the top with the cropped t-shirt with Duke University written across it. "Better" I added 

"Can we just have a normal time together without you asking if Peter and I had any form of interaction?" I asked her 

She looked at me and rolled my eyes, "I just find it weird how you two can be so madly in love with each other, and let the distance destroy you two when college doesn't even start until for another four months or so" 

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but Peter wanted me to follow him, and that's not me. I have dreams and so does he, if I give up what I want just to make sure our relationship survives, then I'd be so damn miserable G- this is not what I want, I'd be giving up on myself." Saying all of that was the last thing I wanted to do, the thought of Peter has rushed my mind every single day, but I promised my dad that I will go to Duke and become a surgeon. I don't want our last interaction be a whole lie. It's the only connection I have with him and I'm not going to give it up for anyone, not even my own mother can stop me from doing so. 

"And there it is" Ginny speaks under her breath, she knew it was coming, she has heard it so many times yet she still tries. 

I wandered all over the field, trying my best to look for my cap that I've just thrown. I did it, I really graduated, and these next couple of months is just me getting myself to the new normal. 

"You have a really good arm" He hands me my cap that I've designed to say I'm going to Duke dad! With pictures of us when I was little, in memoriam of him of course, I know he's proud. I can feel it. I looked up at him and no words escaped my mouth, but my heart fell because all I can think of right now is kissing him, but I can't so I just stare at him. 

"Klara?" He called, I shook my head, "Huh, I-, uh. Thank you" I stuttered, we didn't move, we just both stood there in silence with the comfort and presence of one another, it felt nice, but it hurt at the same time.