When We Write the Stars

Chapter 21: Cassie

     I gather my materials and begin the walk back to my apartment. Usually, I'd take the bus but after sitting down for so long it feels good to walk and it's only about a ten-minute walk to get from campus to our apartment building, plus It's a nice walk.

     The library is located towards the center of North campus, which means I get to walk through all the pretty historical buildings that are all brick and make me feel like I'm at some fancy old college on the East Coast instead of in the Pacific Northwest. It's still grey and cloudy, and it will be for the next four months, but it's not raining today and I'll take that as a win.

     For possibly the first time ever, I don't even turn my phone back on to play music. I just walk in silence, enjoying the light sounds of campus, freshmen in their dorms packing up to go home for winter break, a girl on the phone with her mom in a stairwell, and groups of people shuffling to the dining hall. The light breeze blows some of the dead leaves scattering them across the ground around. It's peaceful in a way.

     It's crazy to think that this is my last winter here. Hopefully, there's always a chance I'll be a Seaport for grad school, but the dreamer in me is thinking of being at MIT or some other fancy college where everyone's just a big nerd excited about their research. Somewhere that when people hear I go to, they think 'damn she must be smart.' Seaport's good, it's not ranked the highest but still ranked and I've loved it here, but if it weren't for how expensive going to school out of state was, this wouldn't have been my first pick in colleges.

     When I get to my apartment, Hayden's standing there outside, which is surprising, "Hayden," I ask confused, "what are you doing here?"

     "If you'd answered any of my texts, you'd know I wanted to talk," he said sounding somewhat annoyed.

     "Sorry," I respond, shoving my hands into the pockets of my puffy jacket, "I turned my phone off to study, besides I told you I was busy."

     "We haven't seen each other in nearly two weeks," he says, kind of stating the obvious, "I really wanted to see you before break starts."

     "It's not my fault we haven't seen each other," I say with an edge to my voice I don't fully intend to come out, but that I also won't apologize for.

     "I needed to focus on hockey, but we're playing better again, so I thought," he trails off.

     "You thought now that it's convenient for your schedule we could hang out tonight," I ask. Annoyed, but not wanting to make any sort of accusations. Yet.

     "Exactly," he says grinning, "so?"

     "So, I told you I was busy," I say, crossing my arms. "Just because you suddenly have time to hang out doesn't mean I do. My schedule's not less important than yours, I have two really big tests to study for. If I had time for you, I would've told you."

     "Hold on, that's not what I meant, I never said that your time was less important than mine," He says, crossing his arms and mirroring my pose.

     "Really," I ask, "because when you were busy because of hockey, I gave you space. I didn't decide that since I had room in my schedule to go down to your apartment and talk. I waited, which is exactly what you should be doing for me."

     "Yeah well, maybe you should've come down to visit me. I've missed you, and I don't understand why we're fighting about this, let's just do something together. Anything," his voice sounds weaker, almost pleading somehow and it breaks something in me.

     "You're not listening to what I'm saying," I say, "I've missed you too. More than I want to admit, but I need to be focused on school right now. The same way you needed to be focused on hockey. After finals are done, we can talk."