No Name

Chapter 15

France's camp was so cool, we were all around the same age, I was one of the youngest but they made sure to welcome me. We were training together and there was a focus and a determination in training that was different than in clubs teams. Clairefontaine was really green, there was a forest all around the facility, there was a bike trail that we used to train and at least 3 fields in the facility. I was having so much fun, it was hard, training was really rigorous, it was challenging. At the same time it had already been two weeks and I was missing my Mama, I wanted to be close to her again. I felt like a child but I needed a hug, I didn't talk about it but Grace had been increasingly touchy this week. I don't know if it's because she felt my mood or because she knew I was soon going back to Spain so she wanted to soak up before I left but it was nice. I have a theory about my need to hug people, I think I have been touch deprived during my childhood for a long time so when I am in an environment where I feel loved I need hugs. But tonight I am gonna enjoy my last night with my teammates and then I'll be going back to Jenni.

Those last two weeks have been the longest two weeks of my life. I know I am being dramatic but technically I am a young mom and even if my baby can't fall down the stairs... well she can but the probability of that happening are significantly less than for a newborn, I still worry because she can do a whole lot of other things that are as dangerous or more. I trust Nemo she is not stupid she wouldn't do something deliberately dangerous, it's the other I don't trust. The bandwagon effect at her age is really difficult to go against especially with older girls with whom you want to fit in. So yes I have spent a lot of time worrying for the past two weeks, while trying not to show it to Nemo and the girls. But this afternoon the worry is over because my daughter is coming back. I love when I think that, my daughter. It never fails to make me smile.

-Jenni ? You look creepy, why are you smiling like that to your coffee cup ?

I look up to see Mapi and the whole gang looking at me. Lola is trying not to laugh in the corner. Trying to come up with an answer, my brain is miserably coming short on me. While a mischievous smile spread on Mapi's face.

-Did you have naughty thoughts ? A really good dream ? Her smirk grows with every word.

Before I can cut myself my mouth has taken control before my brain can stop it.

-Well if you must know Maps. Yes indeed I had a really good dream. I dreamed I had a cute daughter and seeing her grow up.

It's not a complete lie, I often dream of what could've happened if I had gotten custody of Nemo when she was younger.

-Huh, Jenni, are your hormones getting to you ? You do realize you are technically living alone and at the end of the year there is the world cup. Maybe you can after that to try and get pregnant. Said Mapi, seemingly a bit panicked with the timeline. But if you do have one I would definitely be her favorite aunt.

-Ah in your dream, that's me. Said Lola bringing the attention to her and everyone butted in saying they would be.

-You want a child ? Whispered Alexia in my ear.

-Joder ! Alexia! I whisper-yell back. When did you get here ?

She shrugged, waiting for my answer.

-Well I'd love to have children but not right now later, and you know I don't want to get pregnant right now too

-Yes, but the way you said it before it seemed hypothetic, now you seem more sure. Before it was a maybe but far away thought. Now it seems more like it will happen sooner than later. It seems more like a done deal.

I look around to see if anyone is picking up on our conversation, they are still arguing and Lola is having fun watching them, she catches my eyes, looks at Alexia and raises an eyebrow at me. I mouth later and she nods. I turn around to Alexia.

-Does it disturb you ? I know you have always wanted kids. And I met and saw some things in France that made me rethink my desire for children. I met that kid and ...I mark a pause thinking about my next words. She was lovely and I spent a lot of time with her. She was a really good kid, well educated, polite, everything you'd like your kids to be when they grow up, you know. But social skills and self confidence were like ground bottom and kept digging. She was lonely and in deep need of love." I sigh, I know Nemo is in a better environment now but just thinking of the young girl eavesdropping on our conversation a year ago I want to have her back in my arms right now.

-Do you feel guilty ? That you left her ?

-No. She has a good family now and a mom who would do everything for her. She is in a good place.

-So that girl made you want to have kids, must be a really special girl. What's her name ? Asked Ana. I turned back around and during my rant everyone had listened in.

-Maybe later. I'll tell you. I am gonna go for a walk.

I grabbed my phone and went outside.

Still behind in the kitchen, everyone was looking at the door where Jenni left.

-That girl really changed her, she has never been so relaxed about those kinds of things. Said Ana, before she was always on edge when we breached the subject of kids.

-She seems really important to her, that little girl, I'd love to meet her. Says Alexia absentmindedly.

On the beach Jenni brought your contact up and called you, her phone rang and rang to finally reach voicemail and while the voicemail message was going, your voice interrupted it.

-Hi Mamà! Sorry I was in the restroom. What's going on ?

-Hi mija, I just wanted to hear your voice, I was thinking about you.

-Okay, well I am in the airport, waiting for my plane to be called. I am landing in Madrid midday just for lunch with Abuela and Abuelo. They are taking my suitcase and giving me my other suitcase for vacation then I am on my way to Ibiza. And you are gonna be there waiting for me ?

-And I'll be there desperately waiting for a hug from my amazing daughter finally coming home.

Nemo laughter could be heard through the phone, joyful and free.

-I love you, Nemo.

-I love you too Mamà.

We left the girls an hour ago and took possession of the house we will be staying in with Nemo for our next week in Ibiza. It's far away from the girls so we don't have to worry about meeting them without meaning to. And Vir who is staying with them promised to tell us about the plan they make so we can successfully avoid them. And now it's time to go to the airport to get Nemo and Lola is not ready. I swear to everything in between the sky and earth that I'll kill her if we are late.