Entry #347 12:30 PM
Normal.
That's all I want. A normal life. What's funny is that unlike almost every other person on this planet I can't. No matter how much or little money, no matter who I love or hate, it doesn't matter, I'll never be normal. I can thank my parents for that. I don't think they even know, or care quite frankly, what I want and what I stand for. No one around me does either. It's all about the company or what's best for you.
I don't think they've ever thought "what if I don't want what's the best for me?" would that be so bad? I mean how could it be? How could it possibly bad? There's no such thing as bad publicity, well actually no, my mother says there's many kinds. Kinds that ruin business and relationships, personal lives, emotions and even your mental health.
That's why she's making me get married. Ah the beautiful thing called marriage. It's wonderful really, when everything lines up perfectly and your marring for the reason of love, not business. That's what my life seems to be. Just business.
My parents are like this too. they were married for business and that actually worked out for them. They now believe that they can make me happy like their parents did for them. I'm sure they felt like me when they were my age, when they were planning of engaging some one, but I still feel like it's unfair. Being forced to marry isn't what I had planned my future. Yet, this is where I am. I wish I could find a way to stop it. The only ways I've found so far aren't pleasant and I find myself wanting to get married more than the ideas.
~ Hyun Ju
I put my pen down and sighed, I really wish I could be like other kids. Play around and be goofy. Instead I have to play with children who are as strict as my teachers and as boring as watching paint dry. they're all so bland it's almost funny. Almost. I suspect that they want to be free too.=, maybe they even think the same about me. I'm not sure if I even care anymore. what I had planned for my life ahs already been planned out by someone who has more power and money that I don't want.
I stood up from my desk and picked up my phone. Seconds I had picked it up The knocks came to my door and before I could register them it opened to reveal my mother with a huge smile on her face.
"guess what I have just found out!" she exclaimed hurrying over to me and almost jumping up and down from all of the excitement. She didn't wait for a response form me that she wouldn't have gotten anyways" The sons of the whom we've invited have agreed to come and meet you!"
"all of them?" I asked bewildered at how many invitations my mother had sent out, it was actually an embarrassing amount, like she thought no one would marry me. honestly that's what I hoped would happen.
"yes! Isn't it just fantastic! you'll be meeting them all over the next week since they're all very busy and such, but I'm so excited! My daughters going to get married!" she held her hands over her head and cheered walking out of my room.
"Yay, I'm getting married" I mumbled to myself not nearly as happy as my mother was.
"oh and I forgot something" she said coming back and leaning on the door way" you're meeting 2 this after noon so start getting ready!" and with that she left and she had one of our 2 maids put an outfit n my room. This maid was my favorite though since she was my age and she went to school with me, though I don't think we were to become friends , we hit it off and she understands me and listens to me. the only person who does. She came in and set them down on a chair, then asked if I would need help with anything
"No, no, thank you or offering though Ha Neul" and with that she left, leaving me to my thoughts once again.
I went to the chair of which she had put the outfit I was to wear. It was pretty and I could tell my mother had chosen most of the things, along with her the other (and her favorite) maid Iseul. Iseul had great taste in clothing and helped my mom often, telling her if she looked good in her outfit or if she should change something out.
It really was beautiful, it was bright red with black shoes. High heel shoes. ugh I can barely walk in high heels but I guess that was moms doing. There was also some jewelry there along with a black blazer, since it was supposed to be cold today. the jewelry consisted of a golden necklace with a little heart strung on it, and a bracelet with little golden feathers on it. It was all beautiful.
I put them all on and shortly after Ha Neul came in with a curling iron and told me to sit. I did as I was told and let her do my hair which wasn't fancy but was what I thought, pretty. She was quick with these kinds of things but she took her time today and I'm glad for it because I could talk to her now.
"so how was school yesterday? I didn't see you after" I asked.
"oh good, good. I had somewhere to go... with you know..."she glanced at the mirror to look at me in such a way to let me know she was with her boyfriend. Well she didn't call him her boyfriend, but I knew they both liked each other that way.
"ah I see! How was it?" I wondered aloud
"Oh we went to go see a movie, he paid of course but it was really sweet and we even... we even held hands!" She smiled to herself and let go of another strand of perfectly curled hair.
I smiled as well, wishing I could have that kind of love. I guess I had wondered that aloud since she started talking to me about it.
"Oh, I don't think you would miss. It's great and all but it's horrible how we have to hide it from everyone, but it's great the..."
"forbidden love" we both said together. We giggled together and she continued with her work.
"you know ,Ha Neul, You don't have to call me miss. I've told you that before, I'd like it better if you just called me by my name" I said to her with a slight sadness in my eyes and voice.
"oh yes I know but I don't want your mother to come in and hear us talking in informalities" she explained "that's why I talk to you that way, only here though" she smiled at the last part thinking of how at school, we goof around and have a ball. I smiled to at the thought, too.
She was done soon after that and just in time for my mother and Iseul to come and knock, telling us that it was time for me to go.
I got up with a sigh and walked out the door with ha Neul going before me and down the stairs with her mom, Iseul.
Mom followed after and I trailed her down the stairs and out to the waiting car to take us to the meeting place. she opened the door for me and waited until I got in to follow and then we were off.
