If I were a human, would you still love me?

Chapter 55. Suck it up.

"Its my fault. I should have just told her." I added, lying back down on the bed at the end of my phrase. I looked at the door again, I was considering going after her, but I didn't, I stayed in bed. If I left then Asmodeus would get mad again.

I felt like a piece of shit, and I truly was, I felt horrible about making her cry. I looked at Asmodeus again after he layed down next to me. "How do we explain it to her?" I asked him, a bit lost at how I was going to fix this fight. "Well.." Asmodeus started. "Right now we don't. We should give her some time before saying anything. After that maybe we can send her a text?" He said, seeming unsure. I nodded, suddenly feeling extremely tired. "You really are smart. Lets do your plan."

We quietly layed in the bed untill I realized something. "Hey, Azz? How late is it?" I asked him. "It should be about 2pm now, master Iruma." He replied with a small smile. "Don't we have more lessons soon then?" I asked, he shook his head. "I do, but you don't have to worry about that. For you Kalego sensei called and Opera will be here to pick you up, I think he will be here soon, in about fifteen minutes." He said, looking at me. I nodded. "Oh, okay."

I wanted to groan in frustration, but sighed instead. Asmodeus looked at me with apologetic eyes.

"I still don't blame you." I said, feeling I had to repeat that. I knew he would probably blame himself for it, and so I smiled a bit. "I just don't wana go home anymore." I said, staring at the cealing. "Why not?" Asmodeus asked me, his eyes full of consern again. "Don't worry, Azz." I smiled. "Im pretty safe at home." I added.

He looked at me, not seeming to believe me one bit. I thought back at the time Opera told me that Asmodeus might have saved me before and hoped he didn't know about that. I really hope he doesn't know. If he does he might be in danger too, and I don't want Kiriwo to try and kill Asmodeus.

I put my head on Asmodeus's chest, in return he put his hand on my head, his fingers trailing trough my hair. It felt very peaceful, but at the same time not at all. I felt cramped, as if I had no place to go to anymore. At home I was being stalked, and both Opera and grandpa wanted me gone.. Well not gone, just away.

At school I didn't feel safe either, wherever I was Kiriwo could be lurking. I was afraid wherever I went, and every time I walked back from school I felt more and more fearful that Kiriwo would be there. I could feel the stress in every limb.

I wish I could tell Asmodeus everything that has been going on these few weeks, but I can't and it sucks. I can't tell Opera anymore either, because I will only dig my own grave or well, way back to the human world if I do that. I'll just have to suck it up for now.

I took a deep breath, as if I was actually sucking the stress up, Asmodeus looked at me, a bit confused, I smiled at him and he ran his fingers trough my hair again. I felt a bit tired, but a lot better now that I had gotten some rest.

Me and Azz waited untill Opera arrived. Eventually someone knocked on the door. "Come in." I said after getting off Asmodeus. I patted my hair to make the mess go away and stared at the door. When it opened it wasn't Opera standing there, but grandpa, leaving me a bit confused.

"Grandpa?" I asked. He waved at me. "Hi there, sweet grandson! Ive come here to pick you up." He said, smiling slightly. "I heard you got unwell again.. Grandpa is worried!!" He said, making a puffy face.

"Don't worry, im okay!" I said, jumping off of the bed. Asmodeus also stood up, looking very formidable in his posture. My grandpa nodded at him to say thanks, Asmodeus's returned the nod, wich ment 'no problem' in nodding.

Grandpa then extended his hand, for me to grab. I thought it was a little childish but took it anyways. I waved Asmodeus goodbye, who waved back before walking out of the school with my grandpa.

"Are you sure you're okay, grandson?" Grandpa asked me, I nodded. "Yeah im sure! I just got dizzy while running in gym class. I should have stopped earlier." I admitted, smiling a slight bit. He nodded, seeming to understand.
"And how did it go with that young man, Kiriwo?" He asked, a dark kind of curious swaying on his face, as if he would kill Kiriwo if he hurt me.

I stayed quiet for a second before answering. "Better than I thought it would be." I said, still feeling a bit confused why Kiriwo had been so good to me this monday. "He didn't hurt me at all, and he gave me cookies." I said, smiling up at grandpa, who seemed a bit shocked.

"I thought he drugged them, but he didn't." I added. Grandpa took a deep sigh, still seeming a bit worried. "Are you sure he didn't even attempt to hurt you?" Grandpa asked. I nodded. "He gave me tea, cookies, showed me a video off.." I stopped talking almost instantly, having forgotten that it was about grandpa and Opera talking to border control.

"Of?" Grandpa repeated. "Of funny cat videos. It was weird really." I lied, looking at the still very scary cliff we walked on. "Aah, that is quite sweet coming from him." Grandpa said, seeming to be deep in thought.

I hummed a bit, trying to sing the nervous guilt away. My head was constantly thinking of bad things. Grandpa seemed to think I was in a good mood. I wasn't.

Eventually we got back home. Instead of ringing a bell to allert Opera he opened the door by himself. I watched in confusion before asking him where Opera was. "Grandpa, why is Opera not here?" I asked. He smiled at me. "Oh, hes doing very important business." He vaguely answered. Because he sounded so vague, I didn't trust him. I knew he was probably lying to me, and I felt a bit betrayed. Opera was probably somewhere with border control.

"Where is he?" I asked again. "He is visiting someone." Grandpa then answered. Again this sounded very fake. Opera doesn't have any friends that I know off, and he absolutely wouldn't stop duty for that. I felt a slight pang in my heart realizing that he didn't have a family either, just like he told me about. Then another pang when I realized grandpa was lying to me.

He was lying to me.

I used to trust that he wouldn't ever do that, but now I have proof. Proof that he and Opera are doing something behind my back. Proof the video was one hundred precent real. Proof that what I heard that one day, of them talking on the couch was no imagination.

I smiled at grandpa, waving as I left for my room. Once I left his sight my smile also left. I felt so horrible. Clara is mad at me and so is Azz, grandpa and Opera want me gone, Kiriwo's brother still want me in pieces and Kiriwo himself scares the hell outa me. To add I feel like shit, im so fucking tired and my head feels like its going to explode. Probably because Kiriwo stuck a needle into my arm and stole my blood.

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I made sure they couldn't fall down, I wouldn't allow them to. I had to stay strong. All I had to do was suck it up, I had done it before so many times. Plus, everything would get better eventually right? Thats how life works, right?

I sat down on the bed, a bit pissed, my eyes still looking wet from the tears I blinked away. I sighed, everything was making me feel depressed.

I layed down, staring at the cealing. Right now I think I'd rather hang on it then stare at it. And with these kinds of thoughts in my head, I continued to stare at the cealing, depressed, until food was made. It had been hours, and I heard a knock on the door.

"Hey, Iruma, can I come in?"

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Hi there!! Sorry for the depressing chapter!!! I really didn't wana make it depressing, but I already said I would make him depressed and suicidal because thats my goal.

If you feel you need help or you wana talk about anything, (School, drama, life, traumas and fun things aswell!) then my dm's are always open! Just send me a message and ill see how I can help.

Now I really don't have an announcement today, so instead I'll wish you a good week/ month/ year and the rest too!! And Ill see you next week!! And goodluck on your exams if you have them ❤️ 😋

--4 October