Our Heart (Rewritten)

Present

Will he have to put on one of those movies where the lead bounces back from a breakup soon? Noeul chuckles bitterly at the idea.

But just then, he feels something firm and warm pressing against his back and arms slinking around his waist right before Boss pulls him closer into a back hug, resting his chin on Noeul's shoulder.

"I'm sorry." He all but whispers but hearing him say it next to his ear, Noeul hears it clearly, not just the words 'I'm sorry' but also the genuine regret in Boss' tone and the mild tremble in his voice as though he's about to cry.

After what happened yesterday and just moments ago, Noeul was almost determined to give Boss a hard time if he ever wanted to make up. But here he is, unable to prolong Boss' misery even just for another second.

"It's okay." Noeul whispers back, holding Boss' forearm with one hand and using the other to touch his face from the side.

Boss shakes his head. It's not okay. He's not okay. They're not okay. But he doesn't think about that for now; he just doesn't want to leave it at 'hello' and 'bye'; Noeul deserves better.

"I'm just...dealing with some things." Boss says almost breathlessly. This is so hard on him too. And part of him wishes he never found out the truth; maybe what he doesn't know couldn't hurt him and he wouldn't hurt Noeul.

Boss bites his lip, his headache getting worse and his throat feeling incredibly tight. But before it closes on him and keeps him from saying what needs to be said, Boss pushes out the words, "I just have a lot going on right now. So if I'm acting like a jerk, just know that it isn't you, Eul. Okay?"

Again, Noeul doesn't understand...and he wants to. It makes him sad that Boss can't share his burdens with him and he feels incompetent as a partner. But he doesn't press further. He can feel that even just telling him this much was hard for Boss and so, he's willing to let it go...for now.

"Okay." Noeul utters quietly and at this, Boss holds him tighter...before letting go. And as soon as he feels the absence of Boss' touch, the emptiness it left in its wake, Noeul spins on his heel and calls him, "Chaikamon."

But Boss responds with, "Later, Eul. We'll talk later."

Noeul knows he should feel relieved. It's not him, the problem isn't him as Boss said. But why does he feel like it affects him too, affects them—their relationship?

On one hand, he's glad they could talk albeit short and hardly explained anything. But on the other hand, this hot and cold treatment isn't good for Noeul's heart and he's not talking about the organ but his feelings.

Boss can lift him up with the lightest of touches and the fewest words. But he can also send him crashing with each rejection and especially when he keeps Noeul at an arm's length, not letting him get close enough to see what's going on in his head.

Noeul unconsciously embraces himself, the temporary warmth Boss' arms provided dissipating and leaving him cold and lonely.

~~~

When Boss gets home, despite it being late after he spent hours just mindlessly walking around until his legs couldn't take anymore, his father is still up and waiting for him.

Boss can make out his silhouette even in the dark living room but he hoped that if he pretends he didn't notice, his father would let him go up to his room without a word. But when did they ever agree on what do? Never.

His dad flicks on the lamp and asks, "Where've you been?" But his son's reply is an annoyed, "What's it to you?"

His dad gets up, planting both hands on his waist. "Boss, don't misunderstand. We told you the truth so you don't misunderstand your feelings for that boy. He may remind you of Ple because he has her heart but they're not one and the same. So stop living in the past and start thinking about your future."