Our Heart (Rewritten)

Present

Warning: Boss is being an asshole in this chapter. Try not to hate him too much.

~~~

The next time the two see each other, it's in the school library one afternoon. His professor asked Noeul to return some books and after jotting it down on the register, Noeul goes to put the books back himself. Everything's kind of DIY in this school which he actually likes.

But on his way to the shelves of English literary books, he sees Boss slumped over one of the tables, seemingly asleep.

In reality, Boss has a terrible migraine due to a hangover which is also the reason why he missed his morning class, the one he shares with Fort, Peat and of course, Noeul.

For some reason, Noeul doesn't know wether to call out to him or not. Normally, he wouldn't even think twice. But this time, he fidgets hesitantly in place and just when he decides to walk past and turns on his heel, Boss sees him then and calls, "Noeul?"

The boy freezes mid-step and turns his head slowly, wearing a sheepish smile. "H-hi."

Boss sits up straight despite the simple act of doing so making him dizzy. He's about to ask Noeul why he didn't say anything or call his name but then, it quickly occurs to him why.

They haven't really talked about yesterday, about Boss' behavior. The poor boy is probably walking on eggshells and Boss knows he's to blame.

"I, uh, had to return some books so..." Noeul trails off, bouncing on his heels awkwardly. "Were you taking a nap?" Noeul asks but what he really wants to know is, "What are you doing here? Why are you all alone? And...are you hiding from me?" But he bites back his tongue, not wanting to start another argument before they could even resolve the one before.

"Um, no, I...was waiting for Fort." Boss replies and although not his intention, that answer is almost as good as telling Noeul that he is hiding from him because why not wait in the yard or the cafeteria where they all usually go?

Right, because Noeul is there.

Damn it, Noeul wants to cry right then and there but he reminds himself to stop being a crybaby and making everyone panic and worry about his heart when he gets emotional.

He kind of envies others when they cry because people think of what's wrong and how to make them feel better. But when it's Noeul, people can only think about him possibly getting a heart attack.

"Mm, I see." He says, blinking back tears. "Then...I'll go put these back." He gestures to the aisles of books and slowly turns around, trying not to look desolate as he leaves.

But Boss knows; Noeul's never been good at faking it after all. Plus, Boss' own guilty conscience is proof that not all is well.

But still, he doesn't know what to do. Even just now as they were talking, Boss can't get Ple's face out of his mind. And he abhors himself for it but he can't help it either. Sometimes, he even wonders if Noeul only likes him because of Ple's heart and if he was only drawn to the boy because he reminded him of her.

Sometimes, Boss questions if any of this is even real.

Judging by what he's going through, Boss thinks Noeul is better off not knowing. But on the other hand, Noeul's suffering because of what he doesn't know. He doesn't know why Boss suddenly became cold or why he walked out on him after they kissed. He's getting all sorts of silly ideas too like maybe he's a bad kisser or maybe this is like in those movies wherein one person in a relationship just loses interest, no particular reason—they just do.

He didn't even stop me from leaving, Noeul thinks to himself with a sad smile as he puts the books back on the shelf.

Falling out is always hard for anyone but for someone who's felt like a liability his whole life which somehow makes him undesirable, Noeul's self-esteem is really taking a massive hit.