Little Girl Blue - 𝐖𝐋𝐖

𝐈𝐈. Eros- Forty

Some dishes clanked on the other side of the kitchen, "I must say, I'm not really understanding you on this Janine."

"That's alright. I didn't need you to and quite honestly when I made the decision, I didn't know either." I crossed my arms and checked my phone to see if there could be any possible missed calls from unknown numbers who could possibly be Florence. I told her to call once she was done at Harper's but hadn't heard anything. Before my impatience could start crawling Lin placed the mug before me.

I took a sip, jittery before it could even get into my system. "You know when I talked to Nicky he brought up a good point, kinda surprised me actually." I chuckled, before I could recall the whole Kaylee thing and any humor subsided. "But he suggested maybe this was the best way I could move on was to move all his stuff out." I looked over, desperate for her counsel now. "Do you agree?"

She took a shallow sip just enough to coat her tongue. "I do. But I must admit why this wasn't obvious to do earlier on? Why now, and I don't really believe it's because of your mother." She wasn't being judgmental but she had a tone I didn't like.

Linda finally took a seat and let herself lean back to the point its front legs were off the ground. We locked eyes before she briefly looked elsewhere. She was terribly avoidant today and I was the one who couldn't seem to keep my mouth shut. "I would say it's because of Florence. She gives me something to look forward to. She makes happiness seem more tangible and I would like to tap into that given I hadn't felt that way for fourteen years. I searched in it in all the wrong places, but these past few months with her have taught me so much more about myself." I scoffed, raising the mug to my lips and letting it sit there. I wished in that moment they could be on her's. She could be near and know this was the way I spoke about her when she wasn't around.

"You love her." Linda said almost sickened.

"I do." I spoke unashamedly despite how unpractical it was. "And maybe that's what I was really missing all along."

Linda tried not to scoff, roll her eyes, or flat out spit. She was antsy and now irritated because I had just up and dismantled over fifteen years of work and dedication. All that research and prescriptions, all the diagnoses and test for me to throw it all away, suddenly healed because of love. I knew her well enough to know the twinkle in her eye wasn't because of anything magical and she was seeing me in a new light she had perhaps been trying so long and hard not to. I was pathetic, and damnit I knew it too.

We let it be silent, for if either of us spoke, what came out might be too sensitive for either of our ears. She finished her cup of coffee while mine cooled off.

Then eventually she cleared her throat. "Forgive me, I know my response has not been what you may have wanted."

"You know I don't have any expectations."

She held her hand up to stop me ,"don't mistake this as unsupportive or even unhappy. I'm actually quite glad there seems to be hope for you accepting your father's death as well as finding...partnership. I am still quite concerned how sporadic this all is."

I nearly stood from the table when I pushed myself back. It was like everyone was keeping me on a rope and scared every time I pulled that it my snap. Kaylee, Nicky, Linda, dancing around the elephant in the room like it wasn't me. "These are rich words coming from you. You've known me just about all my life and know I wasn't always like this. Do you believe I can't even trust my own feelings after all this time? That even if it was sporadic wouldn't it be about time to be. Did you expect me to never see progress?" She was right, I didn't expect her to be in favor but neither did I think she would profit from my grief.

"You have been unwell for so long, decisions like this are alarming. It could trigger other episodes as a result and you are no longer in controlled environments. You can't be breaking down at work or lashing out on people. And you certainly can't damage this young woman. Relationships come with loyalty and honesty, vulnerability, Janine, and you lack a severe empathy and understanding of that."