IlCey short stories

Acının içinden geçmezsen dışına çıkamazsın...

-Can I come in? - asked Ceylin, while she was looking at Ilgaz, who was clearly not sleeping. Under his eyes, there were dark circles and his skin was pale as snow. 

-Come in..., And if it's possible, never leave" - the last part of his sentence existed only in Ilgaz's memory. He didn't have the bravery to tear up the wounds like this.- Why have you come? - asked her, when she entered the room. 

Ceylin took a deep breath in order not to cry. But she didn't succeed. The scent of Ilgaz and the house's warmth took every strength away from her, and she was just a girl who wanted to feel safe. Not a lawyer. Not a strong woman. Not a mom who lost her child. 

-You know... When I thought you were dead, I was in a very dark place. Such a dark place from where I didn't know there was an escape.  - Ceylin's voice was shaking as she talked.- But there you came, like a star on the dark sky, and brought light to my life... But when you actually left...- Ceylin couldn't finish the sentence, because the pain overwhelmed her chest.

-Ceylin, you asked me to separate. I didn't leave. 

-I know. I know, but... - Ceylin took a deep breath again. - I went to a darker place. I accused myself of losing Mercan and you too. You can't believe how cruel the voices in my head were. They wanted to kill me. I suffered so much, I had panic attacks every day, and I didn't see an escape for me. I became a prosecutor because nobody seemed to care about Mercan. And maybe to run away from myself, from my guilt. But... - Ceylin's voice cracked again, and if Ilgaz didn't catch her, she would have fell to the floor. -The voices are still there, Ilgaz... - she cried. - I couldn't save Inci, I couldn't save my dad, nor my family, nor Pars, nobody. Everybody left me, and I made you leave me too. I'm such a horrible person, Ilgaz, I don't deserve anything good in this life. I have so many crimes...- Ceylin's breathing was getting faster, and she was on the verge of a panic attack. Her hands were cold, her legs were shaking, she couldn't control herself.

-Ceylin, Ceylin, sevgilim, breathe with me!- Ilgaz with a pounding heart tried to breathe normally, while he helped her to sit down. Tears were running down Ceylin's cheeks.

-I couldn't save her! I'm responsible for all the pain we all had to suffer. If I don't leave Inci alone that night, she would be still with us, if I pay more attention to my dad, I would have noticed what he was planning to do with Cinar, if I...

-Ceylin... - Ilgaz touched the woman's face, to look into her eyes. - Ceylin, you are innoncent. - Ceylin was shaking her head immediately. - Ceylin, bana bak. Ceylin, look at me! You are not responsible for anything! You just pushed her emotions to the depth of your heart, and you didn't let yourself drown in the pain, but you can't be strong all the time!

-But I have to, Ilgaz. Who will be strong, if not me? My family needs support, I need to work, I need to find Mercan, if I collapse, the whole world collapses!

-Acının içinden geçmezsen dışına çıkamazsın... (If you don't ever the pain, you will never escape from it). Let the world carry its' own weight, let your loved ones help you carry your weight. We are here, Ceylin. Me, Eren. Love, friendship is way stronger than any pain, seperation or fight. It always finds its' way to the right people.

Ceylin was breathing slower, as she was looking Ilgaz's eyes, that were full of understanding, love and support. Her tears stopped, her panic, and the voices in her head were fading away. 

-I will never go away again, even if you try to cut me out of your life. - Ilgaz hugged Ceylin, as he would be hugging his peace, his hope.- Seni seviyorum, Ceylin. I will stay.